Taking care of your body

Taking care of our body.

We think we are doing the right things by our bodies, but it’s all a bit abstract really. You know; follow this idea for fitness, follow this idea for healthy food, follow this idea for care. Until something crops up that’s not an easy fix. Then it becomes real. Suddenly, dropping into the fear of what could be happening.

The mind jumps in, a million miles ahead, bringing up trillions of possibilities, and just as many worse case scenarios!!

The body works so beautifully and so hard, at making everything cooperate together. There are so many processes going on inside that we are not aware of, so many organs working interdependently. It’s an amazing miracle.

And yet we drive it and control it. Do we respect it? Really care for it? Or just want the easy fix so it will work the way we want it to. So that we don’t have to spend time, or change habits, or interrupt our lives. There is so much else that we want to do with our time, so much out there things to think about and do.

Do we really listen to it? To our body? Do we stop long enough to know? And even when we do, how do we know what it wants? Would we believe any message it gives or do we override that inner message because it doesn’t suit? Or doesn’t feel comfortable?

And maybe the fear gets in the way, anyway.

How would it be……….to stop and listen? How would it be to magically drop into the part of the body that is crying out for help? What would be revealed?

How would it be to trust whatever message is revealed? No matter if it agrees with whatever professional person you are having appointments with, or not. Go deeper in, embrace the fear and go deeper. Be aware of each part of your body, internally, and explore. Be aware of how all the parts work together and integrate – there is too much information to know with your mind.

Be floaty and relax. Stop and stay in this moment. Your body wants the best for you so listen to it.

The Unknown

The unknown.

A new job, a new house, temporary living arrangements, living on own after leaving a relationship, selling my house, buying a piece of land…..……I’ve done all of those in the last 3 years. Stepping into the unknown??

Sure these things were all new and unknown. Before that, Christchurch earthquakes, leaving my husband of 42 years, leaving a job I had been in for 25 years, shifting to another part of the country. Quite a series of changes actually over the past few years. And they all triggered emotions and awareness of patterns of behaviour.

It’s been an ongoing process of exploring the unknown and how I am with it.

The other day, I felt like I was floating in a deep unknown place. Freely in freedom. Perfectly safe. Totally supported. Totally knowing. Rather nice.

So you might ask what was happening to get to this. Well, it was nothing like the above mentioned happenings….nothing that the experts would say is a major stressful experience. It was a simple old pattern of mine of feeling scared of meeting new people. So, I was going to visit a Dad and his child regarding possible teaching of the child. And I could have said, that’s stupid to feel scared about that. I’ve done this lots of times. But scared I did feel. It was bubbling for a couple of days before. But somewhere in the couple of hours before I left home, I was aware that I was making a choice (below mind level) that I would go on the visit, without going over what I would say, without thinking of what I should say, without running possible scenarios over in my head, without working it out beforehand. That I would be open and present in the moment. That I would not know how the visit would go. That I would just meet each moment as it arrived. ………….And, it unfolded beautifully, with me being relaxed all the time.  Time stopped in each moment. There was plenty of time in each moment. Afterwards I felt like I was completely in an unknown space and yet completely knowing. Amazing, eh! Very good actually.

The unknown can be scary. Because we like to know. We like to have an idea of what is ahead. Some of us more than others. Knowing gives us security and safety……well so we think. But does it also narrow down our choices. Does it limit our freedom? Does it restrict us?

What would it be like for you to allow yourself to be in an unknown place?

Dying

What do you reckon about dying?

What will it be like?

Have you been in the presence of someone who dies? Was it an effort to die? Or easy?

Personally, do you dread it? Do you fear it? Do you distract yourself with busyness so you don’t have to face those feelings?

So many questions? And another, do your beliefs about life and death make a difference to how you feel about it inside. If you are really honest, do your beliefs make a difference? Of so, how?

Or coming at this topic from a different angle………….can you totally accept each moment of life as it is? So that when death is happening there is total acceptance of just that moment. That moment of going into the unknown? And it is unknown because your mind can’t know, and you are going to leave your thinking mind behind

When I held my nearly 4 week old baby in my arms as she died, it felt so natural as she just drained away to leave her body.

When I sat beside my mother as she died, it felt simple and natural.

Some months ago I had an experience of dying. No, not a physical near death experience as some people have had. I was in a situation of increasing emotions of worthlessness, over a few days. Fortunately, I was attending a retreat where there were people to support me. Someone sat beside me. The worthlessness got stronger and stronger, and then turned into the emotion of self-hatred. This also got stronger and stronger until it was totally engulfing. Then total blackness. Even though it was total blackness, even blacker spears arrived, many of them, aimed at me, penetrating me. As they did their job, I felt myself draining away. Who was this “I” that felt myself draining away? As I drained away, I found myself in a place……well, it wasn’t a place actually. But what was it? I don’t know. It was nothing. But really it was even less than nothing…..it was complete emptiness. Words can’t describe it but it felt beautiful. It felt true. It felt like everything all together.

So has this prepared me for dying? I don’t know. There is no way to know.

But nevertheless, the emptiness is with me always. Which sounds like nothing and yet it is everything at the same time. Everything in life and of life. A state of love, and stillness and eternity.

Be still.

Be still in this moment, this second.

Just for this second. You can do that. Just for a second............ It’s enough. When I stop for just a second, I notice that this interrupts whatever pattern is running. It’s a chance for a new beginning. It’s a chance for everything past, including the second before, to be cut off, stopped. It’s a chance for renewal.

Can you do it? Or do you find that you cling to what happened the second before, as if you might fall off a cliff if you don’t. Do you cling to something in the past because it’s the reason you are like you are, and you won’t know who you are if you let go.

I often ask myself, “What am I aware of now?” and in that moment, what I am aware of is things like sensations in my body, the sun or wind on my skin, my breathing, noises around me, maybe an emotion arising, a stillness inside me. This question is a signal for me to stop and be aware of this moment.

In this moment, under the sensations, nothing is here. No past. No future. Just this. Nothing. And your mind might jump in with a thought........"why would you want to be nothing?"....or……”Why would I want to stay in a place of nothing?”…………….which is the ego self trying to sabotage you being still.    And, really................, why would you want to be still? 

Because it feels like love. It is love. It’s not your mind. It's not an emotion. It's real love.

Sometimes this nothing feels like emptiness, sometimes it feels like bliss, sometimes it feels like peace.

Do you want this?

In this place, there is no stress. There is no suffering – just in that moment. And if there is no stress and no suffering in this moment, why not any time. I know, our minds tell us that as soon as we get into living our normal life, there it will be again – that stress. But does it have to be? Why does it have to be?

Do you want stress? Or do you want peace and stillness?

That stuff called money!

How strong are your restrictive thoughts about money? 

Does it affect any thoughts you have about buying anything, about buying meals, about buying a coffee, about buying a book, or only about the big things – having enough to pay the rent or the rates or pay for car repairs. Do you stop yourself from buying small things for yourself because of this?

Can you cope with an irregular income or do you have a strong need to know what is coming in. Do you budget to the last few cents?

All of this is a human drive for survival – because money equals survival in our society these days. It’s to do with self-preservation – making sure you have enough for yourself. It’s a very basic drive, but people vary about how strong this drive is for them, and how anxious they become. Some people spend a lot of time thinking about money and worrying about it and complaining about it. There could be some panic lurking. Others are more trusting of money’s arrival.

For me, my self-preservation drive is being mightily challenged this year. And this is a good thing - a chance to face the fear, allow the fear, feel the fear. A life test. A opportunity for the fear to not limit my choices and not get in the way of decisions.

I am in the process of getting a house built on my piece of land and there have been many costs appearing that have nothing to do with the house and everything to do with council requirements. My internal process has been a roller coaster of fear leading towards acceptance of this moment – this moment being that of not knowing every cost. Having a general idea and knowing that extras seem to pop up from nowhere to challenge me. Having a council person tell me about costs that weren’t mentioned earlier. So that I face, again and again and again, the fear of not having enough. Doing the sums, knowing I don’t know all the costs, doing the sums again!!!

I was brought up in a frugal environment which created some reluctance to spend. Or, at least, created a voice on my shoulder, telling me I shouldn’t spend. And during my married life, not much spending happened and all monies were accounted for in detail. Since being on my own, I keep a more relaxed and general eye on money. And it feels good. Until the challenge of new house arrived to challenge me some more. Currently, it’s feeling ok. Not because I know all the costs, but because……well, just because….no logic.

What would it take for you to be more relaxed about money? 

And the answer is not more money!! You would find that if you have some frugality or scarcity beliefs about money, that it actually wouldn’t matter how much you had - the same internal stuff would still be there. 

So it might be time to inquire into this.

Doubts again!!

I’m an expert doubter. As soon as I have an idea, a million doubts arise. Sometimes these doubts feel like they are way in the distance and it is relatively easy to dismiss these. Sometimes they are closer and I hear them a bit clearer. I might even dwell on them for a few minutes. I might even consider them. Sometimes, they are really loud and demanding. This is when they feel very real, and I think I should take notice. Then my mind doubts whether I should take notice and goes into a spiral about how to decide which doubts are important. Surely some of them are actually important and I really should take notice!! Maybe I should even follow the doubts and where they lead to. If I don’t, what might happen? Oh, dear, what a turmoil.

BUT, are the seemingly real doubts the real ones? What is the difference between the far away doubts and the close doubts? Is my judgement of near or far doubts an indication of the importance, or not?

After I actually make a decision, many more doubts arise about what I have decided…… there are a million things that could go wrong, and I don’t want them to go wrong. Usually these doubts subside over time, unless something tells me that I made a wrong decision and a doubt was right!!!! Then I might start believing doubts.

What a mess! Is your mind like this?

And what underlies the doubts? What makes a difference to the closeness of the doubts?

Interesting question, eh! Because it’s likely that the closeness of the doubts is not a factual thing and not related to how seriously you should take them.

What underlies the doubts? It is easy to dismiss doubts as normal. And they are. But if you were to ask yourself about them, what do you discover?

I have discovered that the perpetrator of doubts is fear.

It’s uncomfortable always. And it can run lives. It can direct and control lives. Even when we don’t know that it is.

I do not want my life to be controlled by fear. Do you?

It’s limiting and restrictive.

Solution: Allow the fear to be felt in the body. In fact, welcome it, knowing that this is the way to freedom. It is not the way to having no fear. It is the way to the fear not controlling you. That’s right. Feel the fear in your body, welcome it, and in this you can relax with the fear, so that it does not stop you from doing what you want to do.

And so the question about doubts being far away or closer, is about how strong the fear is. Maybe!

When taking responsibility for one's life is a roller coaster.

When stepping up and taking responsibility for one’s life is a roller coaster!!

There are many ways to take responsibility for one’s life.

There is the day to day talking with others and being vigilant about saying what’s truthful to you, rather than what you think others want to hear.

There is planning what to do, so that it honours you, rather than just to make others happy. This does not preclude being kind. Compassion and taking kind action are flavours of love, which is the basis of real life. But taking kind action at the expense of yourself needs considering – that is, are you trying to make others happy because of an underlying need to avoid conflict…………or to feel approved of. Of course you can take kind action – be kind to yourself and be kind to others, but not a slave to being kind to others.

There is being honest and in line with your values. What do you believe is important for you and how you live your life.

There is deciding who you want to spend time with. Letting go of those expectations and spending time with people whose energy supports yours.

There is taking steps to follow what you really desire in life.

All those factors of taking responsibility can produce fear, when the mind comes up with doubts and different reasoning. There can be so many uncertainties and unknowns and waiting for one piece of information before proceeding with another step. Being present in each step supports you to relax. Our mind can buzz ahead and try and solve things before we know the information. Be present in each step. In each day. In each task.

Let the fear be present here too. The effort in trying to stop feeling the fear is tiring. Let yourself feel it. It won’t destroy you. It’s the mind talk that produces more fear and then your mind thinks it can’t cope. Feel the fear in your body and as you focus on where in your body it is, your mind can subside.

Life is too precious to allow the fear to stop you doing what is right for you and what you really want to do.

Responsibility

Lately, I sense a greater awareness of living my life being totally responsible for myself. This is not actually a mind decision. No logic involved. It arose in me before Christmas. It arose inside me, probably because of the experience that I had at the Leela School in December, where I experienced dying by dropping deep into the worst possible emotions. And then into a situation of there being no me, no I, and just plain no nothing. But such peace and knowing and openness with no limits.

Quite likely, you think you are already being responsible for yourself. And I’m sure this is true. However there are ways of being aware of yourself that can deepen the responsibility. You might be thinking that you are as you are, because of the family that you were born into, or the town/country that you grew up in, or the friends you had or have. But really, is this not blaming others and other things for how you are. Aren’t you being a victim?

What if you could step out of the upbringing influences?

What if you could stop blaming others for the way you are?

What if you had to stop this?

What would you be left with?

And how could you then be responsible for you?

For me, there was a friend that I hadn’t heard from for a while, so instead of wondering what’s going on, I invited her to dinner – I took a step out of my usual pattern of waiting. I instigated contact which is not something I always do.

I am super aware of my response to other people. Am I being influenced ……maybe because I don’t want to disagree? Am I wanting them to approve or am I being responsible for what truth is saying inside me? Am I taking others comments personally or am I in an expansive place that welcomes all comments as an expression of them, rather than meaning anything about me.

Recently I decided that I would take a step towards something I want. I realised that I don’t have to fit into a concept of what someone my age would do or not do. I can act instead of feeling limited and confined. And I don’t have to work it all out. I can do each step in truth and openness. And it is truly astonishing, really truly astonishing, how things are aligning and happening.

It seems that taking a deeper responsibility for my life is remarkably freeing.

Loneliness over Christmas.

Have you been lonely over Christmas and New Years? 

What did you do about it? Did you take action? Did you feel the feelings? Did they pass? You and only you, are responsible for your day. Our mind can try and rationalise. Our mind can also blame other people for it. Our minds can make wishes. Minds can go round in circles and minds cannot figure everything out.

You can wallow in the loneliness. Or you can really feel it, which is different to wallowing. Wallowing implies moving around in it, using stories in the head to increase the wallow and feeling sorry for oneself!!!

Feeling it, means allowing the feeling, the pure feeling, without the story in the head telling you why you feel that way. And by allowing the feeling, it can dissolve. Another feeling may replace it. It may even be a worse feeling, but trust yourself in feeling it, as it too, will dissolve. Unless, of course, you start wallowing, in which case, it will hang around.

You and only you, are responsible for your self.  It is no good, wanting other people to do things to help you feel better. It’s no good expecting others to provide you with anything.  You are the one who knows what you want, others don’t. This is your opportunity. Be responsible and act for yourself. You can. Take that first little step. (Or go out for coffee!) When you face this, any feelings that pop up can be felt, even if uncomfortable – this is being honest with yourself. It’s what is here, so allow. It feels good to be honest.

In allowing you will notice that there is a growing expansiveness. So allow even more. Try to stop the feelings and your whole being constricts and tightens. In allowing, it’s like the whole universe opens for you.  In allowing, possibilities arise. Then it’s time for choice. Trust your heart rather than your head. Follow a possibility. Lightly. Step out of your usual patterns. Take that little step, while not knowing where it leads, while not knowing what the second step will be, while being present in this moment.

And see the magic unfold.

Emptiness

It’s a strange thing to feel empty. For me it means, having a quiet mind …….no analysing, doubting, judging or repetitive thoughts going on. And no emotions being felt. It is beautiful and peaceful.

On the course that I was part of recently, I had the experience of falling deeply into emptiness. It was so empty, so still, so expansive, so everything. I felt so held, not as me, Annette, but as whatever I am at the beginning.

Strange stuff, eh! Yet we are not our emotions. We are not our thoughts. We are not our way of behaving. We are not who we believe we are.  You do know that. There is something much deeper, much more, that is us. This, whatever it is, does not move….does not change…….and can guide you to live life in truth.

And in reading this, you may be doubting – it is normal. It’s what minds do. It’s the way our brains are configured and how the neurons fire in there. It’s up to you to make the choice – do you believe that doubt? Is it worth spending time following that thought and doubt? Trouble is, when we try to stop that thought, it persists. So it’s not about trying to stop thoughts. It’s about a choice in that split second before the trying.

Maybe you think that if you feel empty, you will be nothing. There may be some connection between busyness in your head and feeling worthy. There may be some connection between doing and being worthy. You can look into this and check it out. You may think, that if you are empty how can you live life or be in control. All sorts of thoughts can arise. And if they stop for a moment – what’s here in this moment?

For me, there is a greater awareness that I am totally responsible for my life. I might think that I am a product of my upbringing. I might attempt to blame the circumstances for how I am. But really, I am totally, freshly responsible for my life in every moment. I thought I was before!! Now I am freshly responsible.

How about you?

Fear.

Did you ever read that book “Feel the fear and do it anyway”?  I did. I owned it for years but didn’t reread it. Nice idea. Nice concept but it just seemed so hard to feel fear and still do the thing that I thought was causing the fear.

I’m the sort of person who feels fear about just about anything. The fear can be very strong. It can actually be terror. Or sometimes a feeling of panic. It can stop me doing things. It can make me avoid things.

The bottom line is that for me, fear is triggered by many things – fear of getting it wrong, fear of making a mistake, fear of offending someone, fear of conflict, fear of disagreement, fear of not knowing what to do if an unexpected situation crops up, fear of not being liked or approved of, fear of criticism, fear of negative judgment, fear of not being independent, fear of asking for help, fear of not being good enough. Fear of fear.

What a block to living life freely!  You’d think that with this list, that I would be living a very narrow life. You’d think that I wouldn’t be doing anything. Well, I have to tell you something. It has not stopped me lately.

Over the last several years, I have done many things that I could have not done, if I had let the fear have its way. I have put myself into many situations where the fear was very loud and annoying.

How come? Why? Because the call of freedom from the essence of me has been stronger than the human feeling of fear. I have learned again, and again that my brain will continue to work even when fear is felt. That I can put myself into situations where I know that fear will show up, and I can still cope. I can allow the fear to be present and know that something deeper and stronger will guide me. Very reassuring. This reassurance gives me the ability and the strength to expand into the richness of life. It doesn’t mean that the fear goes away. Or that uncomfortableness goes away. It means that I honour myself enough that I refuse to let fear limit my life. As I write this, I think is this really true? Maybe I am limiting myself in ways I don’t know of!

And so I continue to work on and face the fear patterns of behaviour that I have learned in my childhood and that were reinforced in my adult life. I continue to inquire into them, to understand them more so that I can be more aware of them. So that, in that split second, I can make a different choice. A choice that is more supportive of freedom.

And there is a magical story about fear too. If I drop deep into it, and down through it, into the essence of my self, I find something very beautiful…………..

Judgement

Judgement.

After you have had an important conversation, do you go over it later? Do you remember the words you have used, and replay it, analysing and judging them? I used to do this everyday. I did not remember what the other person said necessarily, but I remembered what I had said. Then I would pull it apart, thinking whether it was the right thing to say, the kind thing to say. I would decide which words were right and which words were wrong – then I’d feel awful about the “wrong” words, or because I’d worded it in the wrong way.

Maybe you go over conversations in your head and judge the other persons words? It’s much the same really. When we are judging others, we are actually judging ourselves. Sometimes it’s a way of avoiding judging ourselves. It all gets tangled up.

Maybe you go over conversations or things people have said to you, and think how good they were?

Funny, we seem to treat negative judgements as judgements and positive judgements as okay. Even a positive judgement is a judgement. If you consider someone’s comments about you to be positive and they make you feel good – it’s still a judgement. If they say something negative about you or your work, it’s a judgement. Just because one lot of judgements make you feel good, doesn’t make them right. It’s just that you feel good and we all want to feel good, don’t we?

We hear criticism in someone’s words or even just in the tone of voice, and we feel judged. How is this? When someone gives you some feedback, what leads to this being a judgement – one that you don’t want? Or is it just their opinion, one which does not need to be taken on board personally by you.

What if we could listen to the criticism/feedback and leave out the judgement that it was a judgement.

Recently I was my own harsh judge. I sat under this judge and believed every damn thought I had. “I made a mess, I did more harm than good, I did it wrong, I am useless, I can’t trust myself, I’m hopeless, and so on.” Were these thoughts true? No, they weren’t. But the judge and the doubts were seriously overwhelming. Until I realised that I was believing my own thoughts, all of which were conjured up out of my own head, supported by my past.

In this way we create our own suffering. There is no need to believe the thoughts in your head. They are only thoughts, not wisdom.

The way to wisdom is to drop deeper than your thoughts and your emotions and find out what’s here.

Commitment

Recently I became aware of making a commitment to myself. It felt like a new thing to do. We can feel committed to do certain things, take certain actions, support certain groups, look after certain people. These commitments are all outside of oneself.

Do we leave ourselves behind? Do we not value ourselves?

I made this commitment when I was deep inside myself. In the essence of myself. It felt like I was very deeply listening to myself and this commitment came from the depths of my being. Felt like the truth.

It felt like it came from a place that is underneath any stories of unworthiness. It felt like it came from a place deeper than my mind can envisage or imagine. It felt like I do not need to think about it at all. The commitment will be part of everything that I do, think, feel, speak, without consciously being aware of it.

When we commit to things outside of ourselves, what happens to us? Do we lose ourselves in the expectations of the group or people? Just wondering. Does this mean that we then spend time using our minds to figure out ways to support the commitment?

Just suppose that by deeply committing to ourselves…..a commitment grounded in love and truth…..that everything we then get involved in, will feel the effect of our personal commitment. How wonderful. So it means that our commitment actually includes everything that we thought we could be committed to. Maybe no need to make mind commitments. May just make one……to you.

The thing is, though………….

If you want to commit to yourself, this personal commitment is not something decided on by your mind. Your mind can and will change its mind!!

A true commitment to yourself needs to come from a deeper place in you. How will you get to that deeper place within you?

Are you your mind? Or your body? Or your emotions? Or more than these?

Under your mind and under your emotions.

Maybe you cannot see any point in getting under your mind and under your emotions. Maybe you think that you are your mind – that that’s who you are. Or do you think that you are your body? So if you consider that who you are is your mind, your body and your emotions, then you probably can’t see the relevance of getting under them.

I do. I can. Because I have experienced getting under them. During one of my mentoring sessions for the study course I am doing this year, I fell deeply into ………….the essence of me. I have been there before many times, but not this deep. This was so profound that I remained in the deliciousness of this moment for weeks. I remained in love. Not loving myself, not loving others, but in love. Not in love with someone, or even in love with life. In love. And even now, weeks later, I am aware of this.

Of course, I trip. Life brings up its challenges because that’s life. The other day I took some comments personally. It was so uncomfortable – for most of the day. I allowed the feelings to be here, to be felt until they dropped in a place where it was neither doubting nor positive. Very humbling.

But getting under the mind, gets under the doubts and the judgements and the analysing. Oh, what a relief.

So I invite you to attend one of my retreats. Not because I can give you anything that you don’t already have. But if you are willing there will be support to inquire into yourself and maybe find out who you are not, and maybe who you are.

There are 2 one day retreats coming up. The day is 10am until 3.30pm. One is in Christchurch (6^th Oct) and one is in Paraparaumu (13^th Oct). More information contact me. annette@theinnerpath.co.nz

When you were a baby...........

What happened to you when you were little?

Were you fed as often and long as you wanted? Were your cries heard and responded too immediately? Did you have lots of cuddles? Were you held close a lot of the time? Did you develop a connection with a primary carer, and later on, the next important carer? Were you sung to, talked to, face-to-face?

If the answer is yes, then probably you developed trust in people, you developed trust that people would meet your needs, you developed an ability to be honest about what was going on for you, you developed an ability to give your love, you developed an ability to trust yourself.

It’s interesting how the first few weeks play a part in how you are as an adult. The first 3 years evolve the patterns and abilities that you have as an adult.

Life doesn’t run perfectly. Things happen in lives. These things alter how we develop. Our parents have their own imperfect patterns and ways of being that affect how much they can be available to growing babies and children. Accidents happen, hospitalisations happen, illnesses happen, relationships break up, shifting house happens, people die, emotional upheavals happen. For me, I had an older brother sick with Polio, when I was born, meaning that I had less attention, my needs were probably not met immediately, people around me were worried and tense. This affected me in many ways, including not being able to speak up for what I want or offer an opinion believing that I won’t be heard (because I wasn’t heard then) and I’m not of value.

But however your early life has affected you, whatever you blame for how you are, there is the possibility of change. 

You do not have to stay stuck in those old patterns.

The first step is to become aware of the patterns and ways of behaving or speaking. This does not mean analysing and working out why you are as you are. Your mind would have a field day but would also not be able to work it out clearly, because it’s impossible. Then you are just wasting time going round and round. (I know, I’ve done it) It means noticing. Notice your response to what someone says. Notice if you feel offended. Notice what other feelings arise. Do nothing with them. Just notice.

Try the experiment of noticing. Over time you may find that there is a slowing down inside you, as you take the time to notice. And then, there may be a tiny gap – a space in which a choice will arise – the choice to play the same old response or pattern, the choice to flip your way of looking at something, the choice to open to a different judgement, the choice to trust an inner wisdom, the choice to allow your kindest self to emerge.

Notice. Slow down.

Doubt

This stuff seems to be in my head rather a lot, so thought I’d have a go at inquiring into what it really is. Or if you are a professional person, the word might be “unpack”. In other words, have a discussion about the topic and see what can be resolved or decided on.

Doubt seems to be an endless stream of questions that come from all angles regarding something I am thinking of doing. Or something I am thinking of buying (those shoes!). They arrive quickly or at odd moments and disrupt a peace that I might be experiencing. Maybe I’ve had a great idea pop into my mind and it’s feeling really nice and positive. Then the doubts begin. They go round and round, many of them ridiculous, but still my mind produces them. Here’s an example; someone asked me via email if I run one day retreats in Christchurch. And of course, I told her that I used to hold them there when lived there, up until 4 years ago. Anyway, the seed of the idea was planted and I had the idea that I could hold a retreat in Christchurch again – and I’m picturing the venue and the people. Until – oh no – how do I get people to come, do I fly or drive (can take my crystal bowls if drive), takes more time of I drive, but having a car there would be useful, could I really be the person running a day retreat as I would like to, what do I need to think about to run it, better get onto it if I want to book flights or ferry, do I have the courage to drive down, would be great to drive…………………………..

Do you get into these sorts of tizz? For me it can happen about the smallest thing. I go along in life for a while trusting, being open, following ideas, and then suddenly the doubts arise. The questioning thoughts pop up too much. Analysing ideas. Producing dubiousness and hesitation. Even after I’ve followed an idea or bought an item of clothing, the doubts arise afterwards as well.

Maybe you think that doubts should be listened to? That they are helping you be careful in life? That they are protecting you from failure? That they are keeping you from conflict? That they are keeping you safe? Mmmmmmmmm

Or are they limiting you?

Anxiety.

What is it? Do you have it? Ever? Often? All the time?

The word is used increasingly these days. It has become a BIG thing. Like Depression, a big thing. Scary thing – like so many things in this world today.  Actually, I feel cross about the use of this word. It seems to me that it has become more than it ever should be. It’s as if, by creating this label that it becomes so big that it is not treatable. It’s a generalised word that is not specific in what it means. Like depression.

I’m not denying the suffering of the people. I’m saying that the concept of anxiety has escalated into a label that feels scary to people and then includes expectations and negative possibilities which feel hard to get out of. This applies to many diagnoses.

Then what happens, is that people blame the label for what is happening. It’s a cop-out. Rather than actually exploring what is going on for the individual. It’s not honest, because it shifts the reasons for behaviour to an outside source. Even though we know anxiety in something inside a person, using this label (like any label on a person) suggests that the cause is outside and therefore, there is nothing to be done. A label can also mean that there are generalised symptoms that everyone with that label has, when in actual fact, everyone is different.

When I explore this with a person, I want to get specific about what is going on. Usually there is an emotion (fear) and worry (thoughts). So when we look at these, we are looking at something that can be explored further, and delved into. Without judgement and without labels. In examining the thoughts and emotions and the circumstances, it is amazing how the pattern becomes clearer, which leads to a way out. By going in, we can find our way out.

Now, I might just be playing with words, but this is what I see happening in our society. Anxiety is feeling anxious, and under that is probably fear. Then the thoughts go round and round worrying about possibilities and creating more fear. Let deal with all this fear in an honest way. Let’s inquire into it. Let’s face it, up front. So that you don’t buy into having your life restricted by an outside definition of….that word.

By the way, often we can get determined to control………….

There is a simpler way…………….

Restrictions

Sometimes circumstances can be wonderful for a while and then over time they feel restricting. It’s interesting how our perception can change.

For example, the partner that I was with a couple of years ago, is someone who loves to do things to help people. This felt wonderful to me….at first and for a while. Over time my perception of this changed and I started to feel restricted. Too much helping me, physically and verbally, meant that my personal value felt lessened and life felt restricted. Of course this was entirely my interpretation.

Many things can feel restricting. It does depend on how we see things. And maybe if we change how we see things inside ourselves, then it won’t feel restricting.

Lack of money can feel restricting.

Living accommodation can feel restricting.

A job can feel restricting.

A relationship can feel restricting.

Lack of ideas of what to do can feel restricting.

Any circumstances can feel restricting.

It’s not necessarily what the circumstances are. Another person in the same circumstances may feel differently.  So what is it really? Because following on from there, the question is whether we take action about the circumstances. How do we decide whether it’s just our interpretation or whether we need to change the situation? (relationship, job, living place, etc)

How do we get a clear answer from the jumble of thoughts that go back and forth?

If you are feeling confused about your circumstances and whether to take action, that this is a good sign. You might ask how...............It’s because the confusion is a mind condition. Confusion is not an emotion, but…………it means that the mind might be getting near to giving up and realising that figuring out isn’t working. This then allows the emotion to come through and be felt. Why would you want to feel emotion? Because it will be emotion that is the pain of the situation.

So stop and feel. You might feel trapped and under that there could be irritation, frustration, anger, worthlessness.  This is no big deal. Just feel whatever is here without getting into thoughts of why. Bring your awareness to the feeling and acknowledge it. Funnily enough it will then dissolve, especially if you stay in the moment.

And in continuing to stay in this moment, the right action will be revealed for you.

Stillness in the moment has all the answers.

Are you satisfied?

Are you satisfied?

Are you unconsciously searching?

Do you go off in tangents looking for….…….? You might not know what!

Someone said to me recently, that they never felt satisfied with their life. That it seems to be a pattern for them. A concern because its keeps them moving away from uncomfortable situations, or towards something perceived as better, or just trying this and that.

I remember a time when someone said that to me…….”You’re never satisfied”. It did stop me in my tracks for a second or two. And I asked myself….”Am I or am I not?” Since obviously I have remembered that comment, there must have been some impact. What I thought at the time was…..isn’t it okay to not be satisfied? Isn’t that how we grow?

I’m guessing that there are different levels or parts to this being satisfied. We can feel satisfied and still want to change and grow. Satisfaction does not mean stagnation. Satisfaction does not mean avoiding any chance to expand and grow. Satisfaction might mean acceptance of circumstances just now, in this moment, without precluding being open to possibilities.

Dissatisfaction with life could mean that the person is on a mission to discover the meaning of life, to discover themselves, to find out who they really are. Dissatisfaction can provide the energy to expand, to open up and shift thinking. A person could find themselves trying different modalities, going for readings, starting practises to help fix themselves. Do you?

Dissatisfaction can turn into a search. A search for what? Maybe a search for someone to tell you the mysteries of life. Or who you really are? Maybe you want to be told. You might decide to believe what someone else says.

Or, you could turn this around. Instead of going on a search outside, why not go on a search inside you. How? As humans, we just pile up the knowledge, the emotions, and the wrong beliefs about ourselves all our lives….…….all on top of who we really are.  It’s a matter of getting underneath all that stuff and then you can discover your self. You can discover the part of you that is unchanging. The part of you that is you.

For me, stopping the external search has revealed what I am not. It has given me multiple experiences of the truth of me. Am I satisfied with my life? Yes. 

And I continue to be vigilant for the patterns and behaviours that are not the real me. So that, in the moment, I can choose differently. I can choose truth.

The Power of the thinking Mind.

Our minds are working all the time. It’s very useful that they are really. We need our minds to keep working. So let’s appreciate our brains and minds.

But how is it, for someone when what they see is not what is actually there. One of my jobs is working with children with learning difficulties and I am really aware of how frustrating it must be when what you see is not what’s there. For example, if you are learning maths and read the number as 42 when really it is 24. (How many numbers can be reversed?) So how does one learn when what one sees is that confusing   - well not confusing to start with, because the child thinks it’s okay and it becomes confusing when the answer doesn’t work out. Or reading words and see “was” as “saw”?  How does one make sense of the sentence? See the possibility of growing feeling of failure? Then the strategies to avoid this feeling? The strategies of avoiding being a failure? Be a clown, act silly, become labelled as disruptive?

As adults, how often does this happen for us, in different ways. Do we see things as they are, or is what we see, veiled by some idea we have in our head.

As adults, how often do we think we hear someone say something, and then find out later that that is not what they said? That we interpreted what they said into something else.

Are you aware of this, in you? Or is it too much like being a failure?

I had a realisation along these lines the other day. I was reminded of someone I worked with a several years ago, and this lead to a memory of how she was and what she said. Then, into the gap while thinking, dropped the realisation. I remember that she told me to do things, that she was bossy. I remember the specific commands. But what I got now though, was that maybe she was asking me to do things and I interpreted what she said as telling.         Oh, s…t. You mean I have been carrying round the uncomfortable memory that she told me what to do, when actually she was asking if I wanted to. That I was carrying round the uncomfortable feeling of being bossed, when actually she was asking. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. You know, I think I may have interpreted other people as commanding me to do something when they weren’t really. Maybe I had a veil of sensitivity to this sort of asking, having experienced something early in my life which created a mind job of interpreting questions as commands.

And this sort of thing can lead to an inability to say no, to a sense of having to do what someone asks you to do. I certainly felt that I had to do what this person asked. What do you reckon?

Funny things, minds. Have a look at what yours is doing.