What is
trauma? There are traumatic events that take place unexpectedly, and there is
ongoing trauma that happens for some people. And really it is the trauma that
develops inside a person that is the real trauma. This trauma is the emotions
that get stuck and the negative self-beliefs that are formed from these
emotions.
Young
children have no skills for coping with either unexpected traumatic events or
ongoing trauma. They have no resources. They are reliant on the adults that
care for them, to protect them and support them to healthily deal with
emotions. During the first 3 years their brains are rapidly developing. The
brain is very vulnerable, especially at that time. Disrupted brain development can
result in brain pathways not being formed in a functional working way leading
to emotional, cognitive, behavioural and/or interpersonal deficits or
disorders. And psychological research is showing that there is a link between
trauma in childhood and adult health problems.
What took
place for you in your early years? The results of trauma play out all through
your life. It’s not so much what the trauma is, but what happened inside you.
Do you become scared of people? Did you become unable to have a close relationship?
Did you comply and agree and do people pleasing behaviours? Did you become a
workaholic, or an alcoholic or a substance abuser to run away from it? Or are
the effects more subtle, like me. When I was a baby, my older brother was ill
with polio for a long time, and it seems to me that I was crying a lot and I
was not heard. This led to feelings and internal beliefs of unworthiness, not
being heard, the need to be “good”, not wanting to speak up for myself, not
valuing myself.
If the
child’s significant carer is unknowingly part of the trauma, maybe by not being
available, or by providing inconsistent love, or by not meeting basic needs, or
by not protecting the child, then the child is going to grow up feeling the
impact every day. Those first few years are so profoundly important for a
person.
When we
think about how widespread trauma and its effects are, it would be easy to feel
despair. How can someone overcome the internal impact of trauma which happened
when so very young and vulnerable? When young there is no way for a child to
develop healthy emotional responses, unless the adults around provide loving
mature support.
But can it
be done later? YES. There are many forms of help available. You can choose the
one that feels right for you. Whether it is talking and understanding the
trauma and the impact, or emotional release work, or body work, or spiritual
work. Trauma can turn into empowerment. Trauma can be growth for you. Through
facing your own trauma and the emotions attached, there can develop a greater
compassion for yourself, and greater compassion for others. This can lead to
you living a more satisfying and authentic life.