Wednesday, June 14, 2017

What do you put up with and how does it affect you?

Do you ever feel like you are putting up with stuff? Putting up with pain? Putting up with being uncomfortable? Putting up with put-downs? Putting up with being criticised? Putting up with people’s anger? Putting up with being told what to do? Putting up with people being negative? Putting up with your living arrangements? Putting up with people not caring?
Why do you put up with these things?
There are probably many reasons. Underlying these reasons that your mind tells you, will be some issues inside you.  Could be a lack of confidence to speak up. You might be too scared to speak up.  Might be a lack of courage. Could even be a feeling that you deserve this treatment. Might be that you don’t feel strong enough in yourself. Maybe you don’t have love for yourself, or even respect. Or value yourself enough. And your need to avoid conflict could be strong. As well, you may fear the consequences of speaking up. Could simply be an old habit that just carries on because it’s comfortable and familiar. Could even be connected to a sense of commitment.
What is the cost of this putting up with stuff? The cost to you as a person? Does it matter? Do you value yourself enough to realise that putting up with anything is not doing you a service. The cost is that you are not free to express who you really are. The cost is that you are not living your life in your purpose. The cost is that inside you are building up resentment. It may be bubbling away at a very low level. The effect of this resentment is that the anger underneath may explode at an unexpected moment. The possible cost to you is your health. All that pushed down emotion can affect your physical health.
What to do? Spend some time contemplating the questions mentioned. If they apply to you, then do some searching inside you. What do you really believe about yourself? Be honest. And how does this affect your behaviour and your ability to speak up clearly and calmly for yourself. What would you like to change about yourself? Maybe you could do with some help to change yourself.
Personally, I was in a place of putting up with most of the things mentioned. For many, many years. I lacked courage, I lacked self-esteem, I lacked the belief that I would be heard. I did not value myself. I did not feel good enough. The physical health issues were a gift because they meant that I then looked for help. And found more than the help for the physical issues.
When we feel strong inside ourselves, when we feel of value, when we feel we are worthy, then we can make changes to how we talk, to how we perceive situations, to what we will put up with. We can be happy and enjoy life.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Directing your life.

There is agony in trying to direct one’s life. We think we want to.  We have a plan. We may know what we want to do. We may have expectations about the future. And we know that these expectations are right for us. We may have a purpose. We may have read about how “thoughts become things”.  So let’s think those things into reality. The agony arrives when it doesn’t work out. Recently I experienced this agony. And it was real emotional agony. I was feeling so restricted by money and by circumstances. I had been so sure that I knew what I was supposed to be doing. I had been so sure that things were going to flow in the way that I wanted them to flow.
Wanting something actually creates a barrier to getting it. How can that be? Because in feeling the wanting, we learn how wanting feels and experiencing it more, just means it get more and more familiar, so it stays right there inside. We stay wanting. It’s like the wanting creates a block. 
So some people create vision boards, some people list the detail of what they want (e.g. the qualities of a partner they would like or a house they would like), some people write gratitude lists, and some people use other strategies of manifestation to get what they want. Does trying to get what we want mean that we are in charge of our life and directing our life?
Be clear on your values. Because these will allow your life to flow. I don’t mean the usual old-school values like honesty (and there are different levels to this!), respect, trying your best, goodness, working hard, pleasing people.
There are even deeper values that you can decide on. Values that can govern your every word, every action and every thought. For me these are inner truth, recognising the goodness in everyone, love, living in each moment. The inner truth is a deep knowing of rightness which is different to the mind saying what is right. Recognising the goodness in people is a real knowing that people behave the way they do because of the conditioning from their youth and their emotions……..there behaviour is not who they really are. Love is more than loving other people and more than loving oneself. It is being love. Living in the moment means the acceptance of emotions that arise (feeling them, not acting on them) and the ability to look at each moment freshly rather than from the ideas of the past.
So I experienced the agony of the emotions that arose when my thoughts went round and round about limitations. I allowed myself to feel the agony and the emotions that were under it. Tears came aplenty. And that was what was there is those moments. Until they weren’t there. Until acceptance and love filled that space.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Spirituality, Religion or here now?

Are you on a spiritual path? Do you follow a religion?
Funny things…….are words. Do you notice that the religion question includes the word “follow”? To you, this may be quite okay. To you, it may even be righteous and meant with integrity. And that’s okay. To me, it implies doing what someone else says and not being in my own truth. Which is right? I can’t say what is right for anyone. Who has the right to say what is right for someone else? You need to decide for yourself. Maybe it’s scary to decide for yourself? Maybe you don’t think that you are good enough to decide for yourself. But actually, you are.
To access your own right answer it is helpful if you can relax into your being. Because your mind usually can’t come up with answers. Well, your mind will try, but what is really happening is that your mind answers from the conditioning that you have experienced growing up. And the emotions that you have stored. Research has shown that when faced with a decision, the emotional part of the brain lights up first and then this is quickly followed by the cognitive /thinking part of the brain. To truly access what is right for you, it will be helpful if you release all the stored emotional patterns and ways of thinking. How to do this? (Come and see me!)  After all, there probably are plenty. You may have observed yourself and how you react/respond to situations. You may be aware that in the split second before reacting, that there is a decision made…………. If you can catch yourself in this moment, there is the opportunity to change how you respond.
Some people might say that I am on a spiritual path. I do have the word path in my website name! However, my spirituality is about learning to live in the moment, to be totally present so that I can make the choices from the very best part of me, to live from the stillness that is within. And this is nothing airy-fairy. This is real life. I recently had the opportunity of releasing some of the emotional stuff that I mentioned in my last article. Those beliefs that I had put in place when young about love being conditional and that I needed to work at being good in order to earn love. So now I am feeling deeply peaceful.
A spiritual path can be just as narrow as following a religion. Maybe you think you are following a path to somewhere. Maybe to freedom. But when will you get there? How can you know what is in the future?  Be here, right now. Because you are free right now….in your inner self. Right now, you can choose expansiveness and discover your own truth. Let go of the limitations that you believe are around you.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Letting love in.

Let me tell you a story: Recently I went for a walk in a pine forest with a friend. We walked a long way downhill. Through swampy ground and my gumboot had a leak….so I was getting a wet foot. Ugh! And feeling cross. Then we sat down. Looking up I could see the branches of the pine trees, and also the fronds of a tall tree fern. It felt like they were sheltering us, embracing us. We sat on some rocks. (old volcanic rocks placed there by the force of the earth) We sat in stillness and my friend prompted me to uncover what was going on inside me. I was super reluctant, in fact, it felt like there was no choice for me. I was either going to run away (rebel) or resign myself to staying stuck. No falling into and facing whatever emotion was deeper. In the midst of this a realisation arose – that I felt threatened by love. And secondly that the rebel or resign scenario is a pattern of mine.
So what to do with these realisations. What would you do? Are they familiar to you? Do you accept love offered to you?
For me, I realised that in my childhood, love was conditional. I had to earn it by doing as I was told, by being good, by behaving right. And so in growing up, I worked to earn love. I tried to gain approval from others. In my marriage I worked to earn love. I worked hard at keeping the peace so that I knew that I had earned love. And what is love, really.
Can you love yourself? Can you love the little child that is still a part of you? My little child was so confused. Afterall, our parents or those we live with when we are young affect our whole way of being. In order to feel truly secure and connected to others, we need to experience unconditional love. When we perceive that strings are attached then we set up beliefs about ourselves that do not serve us in truth. We may believe that love only comes when we submit to being controlled. We may believe that we have to behave in certain ways. We may believe that we are worthless on our own. And there are many more possible beliefs that could have been put in place on the same theme.

So how about you talk to the little you inside you, and show understanding and compassion. Maybe give her or him some resources to help him or her cope differently. Stop for a moment and let the love of the universe in. And if you were to show unconditional love to your inner self, what then………….

Thursday, January 12, 2017

New Years Resolutions

Often New Years Resolutions are things we think we "should" do........... we've been told by the media or by friends that we should be fitter, healthier, wealthier, smarter, etc. Or they are things that have been niggling at us for some time and because it's holidays and the start of a new year, we think we will decide to do it.
And being human beings, we usually want to improve ourselves, or have more, or enjoy a change!!!!!
It might be health, fitness, wealth, activities, weight, spirituality,...........
Change your focus a little. Be still and quiet for a moment and breath. Just allow the notion that if there were no restrictions (such as money, people, health....) and absolutely all creativity was present right here, what would you really like to do? Let your mind lazily travel outside the box of your existence to the place of all possibilities.
No limits, no boundaries, open expansiveness, all possibilities.
And then, a bit later, what would the first little step towards that be? Take that baby step, not knowing the plan ahead. Focus on that step only, without getting ahead of yourself. When that is completed, the next one will be revealed.

So, here I am, taking my own advice. Sitting and being still, opening to an expansive awareness of life. Expanding more and more. Stepping outside the limitations of my perceptions.
So my vision is to make a difference for people. To support them to know their spiritual self and to let their real self shine. This has been my purpose for some time - seeing people one-on-one, and also in small groups for The Inner Path Retreats. Also, what came up as I expanded was to have a place where people can be on retreat, sometimes silent, sometimes in guided sessions. Some people paying, some people referred and funded.
And the baby step: look after myself and focus on completing the therapy room. I've been calling it the Peace room lately - maybe that will stick, or maybe that will change.
And I have an advertised date for The Inner Path One Day Retreat - to be held in Upper Hutt on 4th February.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Vulnerability has been occurring for me many times over the last couple of years. Never before had it been allowed. I have felt totally devastated by the strength of the hurt. The feeling of being totally exposed. The rawness of the vulnerability has been tough.
But I have discovered something very magical in the hurt and vulnerability. 
Something unbelievable really. Because we consider hurt and emotional pain and vulnerability as a negative thing. Something that we don't want to have. And yet, the magic of it is that I am aware of an expansiveness. 
I am aware of a deeper awareness of life. 
A spaciousness which spreads from within me to without. 
A connection with all beings and with nature. 
A deeper awareness of me. 
A stillness.

Just BE.

I've had a busy week. I have been able to be busy and concentrate on that.  It's great. No space to contemplate or allow deeper things to creep in. Being alone (not lonely) - being strong in myself - knowing my inner truth - trusting me. Not taking on board others emotions or feeling responsible for them - giving support, not wanting to fix. Though challenges arise when other people who are so in their mind and can't step outside to observe - or is it that other people has ideas and words that then create thoughts and emotions in response.

What is it about just BE-ing that is hard. Old patterns of behaving and responding arise in times of stress.

What is it about BE-ing that is difficult? That means not thinking about the future or if I do, then letting it be light.

What is it about BE-ing that is a challenge? It means not trying to sort out what is right.

And when emotions arise, some feel uncomfortable - these are the ones that are difficult to just feel.
It's great to practice this with the support of a Journey Practitioner - in a guided introspection, the situation is embraced in a way where observation of oneself is possible. Then the tools of allowing emotions to be felt in one's body and letting them dissolve and observing oneself in the process can be applied in daily life.