Monday, April 23, 2018
How does non-attachment work? Is it manifesting?
In my head I am trying to figure out how manifestation fits in with non-attachment.
Manifestation is feeling, sensing, and visualising something that you desire, without figuring out how it is going to happen. And then believing or knowing that it will happen. Right?
Non-attachment is not really manifesting, because it also includes an acceptance of whatever the result is – whether the result is what you desire or whether it is not. It’s taking the first step towards a goal, not knowing what the next steps are, and not compromising.
Sometimes we can think we are not-attached to a result and in our mind, we may not be. But underneath, there is something going on that has strings to the desired result. These strings can be deeply embedded and even unconscious. We may believe what we think (that we are not attached) because we haven’t delved deeper and may not see a reason to delve deeper.
I know there are times when I have taken a step towards a desired outcome and then thought “Whatever will be, will be”, thinking that I was unattached to the result. Thinking that I would accept whatever the result turned out to be. In hindsight, I was still attached to the outcome that I wanted. There were buried strings that created attachment to the result. I still wanted a particular outcome.
Recently, I experienced a situation of non-attachment. I was in a process of taking steps towards some work, which was going to be funded by a social service. Then came the tricky part of what do I charge. I was pleased that my mind quickly got past the perceived need to make it less than usual. And when questioned, I was able to give some options for looking at the hours in different ways, all of which still gave me my fee. Then I completely detached from it. So completely that I was aware that I neither wanted nor didn’t want the work. I had no strings to wanting it at all. Very freeing. Then after a few days the email came that agreed to my fee.
It was not a technique to get what I wanted. It truly was a case of non-attachment to the result, either way.
Actually, that’s the second example I’ve experienced lately. Maybe I was just ready for this. Maybe I was free enough in myself so that I could be non-attached. I know, that in the past, I have tried to be non-attached to a result. And the trying seems to get in the way. Or else, I just had too many unconscious strings.
Are you aware of how you attach to desired results?
Thursday, April 12, 2018
How good are you at fixing other people? How good are you at fixing yourself?
How much of your talking or communicating time do you devote to this? Just take an observation of yourself and be honest. When someone tells you about their relationship problem, or about their family issue, or about their health, or about their fitness, do you immediately give ideas for what they can do? Do you make one particular suggestion – the one you consider the right one? Do you follow up with the reasons or with emotive words to encourage the person to do that particular idea?
Is it a human thing? To tell people what to do to improve their situation? To make suggestions? With or without options? Or is it just western society that does this? Or is it my family that have this pattern?
Anyway, I have been thinking of this lately. And I know that I perceive this as being controlled at times. It’s as if, when someone tells me a solution, whether worded as a suggestion or not, that I feel I am expected to follow that suggestion. It’s a “should” do!! Which might not be the case at all. Though I also sense at times, that the person definitely expects me to follow the suggestion. I sense disapproval. But is this really the case or is it just my interpretation?
So there is that side of it.
And the other side is….that I do it too.
You know, it’s a great opportunity for us to look at others behaviour or words, and then ask ourselves: How do I do that? Because if we notice it in others, you can guarantee that we do it too. And then we have a way to fix ourselves. Ah ha!! But maybe this is not fixing – words EH! Maybe it is developing, improving, growing? Take your pick about which word you use.
And really, it is a gift. This is one way to grow our awareness of our patterns and behaviours and communications. And we do not have to try and fix ourselves. Purely by having the awareness, there will be opportunities to play it differently. It’s as if, an unconscious intention arises from the awareness. An intention to drop that pattern.
So I look forward to doing less making suggestions and more listening. I look forward to dropping that pattern. And the purpose? To live in truth. Awareness allows us to drop the conditioning of our earlier life and live from the truth of us.
Saturday, March 31, 2018
Feelings are annoying.
Well, some of them are. It would be nice to feel happy all the time. Isn’t that what we really want? It’s so painful when hurt feelings arise. It’s so painful when sadness arises. It’s so painful when anger arises. What do we do with this feelings? Tell them to go away? Push them down? (Become depressed!) Ignore them? Ride over them with thoughts?
Sometimes we feel like we should feel this way and therefore don’t wish to get out of it. You know, those times when grief is here and it feels like a betrayal to the other person if we let go of grief. And feeling sorry for someone, sometimes feels like a should feeling…..we should feel sorry. Then guilt can arise because the feeling goes. Complicated eh????
It really is impossible to figure out the right thing to feel. So give up trying. O..oh! How does that feel? Like you are not responsible? Like you are not a good person? Oh gee!! Can’t win.
What if you could really honour yourself by feeling whatever arises in the moment, with no self-judgement about how that is, or whether it is right? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm Well, that would be living in truth. But stuff gets in the way, doesn’t it? Stuff like the expectations we sense from others, and the expectations we have of ourselves. The blame we carry around for the things we think we can’t change. The emotions we have unconsciously held onto.
Actually, if you can trust yourself enough to welcome whatever feeling arises, this is the way to freedom. In our society, we so don’t honour feelings. We tend to criticise those who allow too much emotion, and especially if the emotion drives some undesirable action. And we fear emotion.
The secret, though, is to feel them in your body – no need to let them out, no need for the emotional energy to drive you to say things you don’t want to say, no need for emotions to be acted out in inappropriate behaviours, no need for them to stifle you. Just feel them wherever they show up in your body. And after that, if you wish to speak of them, then do, from the stillness that arrives after the feeling.
You can do it.
Saturday, March 24, 2018
Strategies we use to avoid.
Avoid what? Well, that is another question.
And a third question is: Do you embrace life fully? Is your life rich?
I don’t mean that you need to go off on adventures to embrace life fully. There is an internal adventure going on right now inside you. And by asking if your life is rich, I don’t mean money-wise, or love-wise, or experience-wise. These might be part of your life or they may not. They make no difference to whether your life is rich.
So to embrace life fully and to have a rich life, I suggest that we need to not avoid.
A big one for me is to avoid conflict. And criticism. And judgement. I know that these bring up feelings inside me that are uncomfortable. The feelings may be unworthiness and unloved……loneliness and hopelessness. Even despair with my mind telling me I can never get it right.
So recently I put myself into a situation where I might be judged. Intention – not to limit my life by avoiding potentially being thought of as not good enough to do a job. And I have been super aware of what was going on inside me. I was aware that other people see the situation differently from me. It depends on their understanding and expectations. So each time I wondered whether I was being judged, I had an internal conversation and really realised that I am probably not being judged. And then, even if I were, it actually didn’t mean that I am not good enough. It would be just one person’s interpretation of what was needed in that job. I can step out of the way and do what I think is appropriate, and not worry about what others think. In that situation anyway. (By the way, if someone said I was good, that is also a judgement and someone else may not think I am good. Or I might not.) Judgementless does not mean good judgements, it means doing what is true for you and the situation regardless. My parents used to tell me that my piano playing was good when I knew it was definitely not – too full of mistakes!
I suspect that not avoiding conflict, criticism and judgement will be a work in progress for me. A need to be vigilant, not about what other’s think or say, but about what I am feeling and how I interpret things.
So this has been my adventure recently, and it leads to living a more rich life.
What has been your adventure lately?
Sunday, March 11, 2018
How well do you know yourself?
What do you have to know to know yourself?
Is it about how good you are at doing things? Or what knowledge you have? Or what makes you angry? Or knowing how you react to authority? Or knowing you don’t like a certain type of person? Or thinking you are sensitive? Or knowing what sort of music you like? Or knowing that you can’t do particular things?
Maybe you answered yes to some of these, and could add some more!
What if, right now, you consider changing the word “know” to “believe”. So that you believe that something makes you angry, you believe that you are sensitive, you believe that you are clumsy, you believe that you are good (or not good) at something. What happens to how you view yourself, if you change this word? Or are you saying, of course you know things about yourself? And they are true and right. That it’s not about believing….its knowing. Knowing is stronger, right?
Just as an experiment, try out the believing way of wording what you know about yourself. Just for a moment be flexible and relax the knowing about yourself.
So the next step is to think that because a belief is not as strong as knowing, then you can change it. AND YES, YOU CAN.
As an experiment, focus on one thing that you know about yourself. It might be that you know that you can’t cook. Change it to you believe that you can’t cook. Can you see that then there is an opportunity to change your belief. Because it’s not set in concrete. Maybe you believe that you are not good enough. Change this too! Maybe you believe that you will never be fit. Change this too. You can! You really don’t know anything absolutely.
Anything is possible. We become restricted by what we believe about ourselves. We are doing this to ourselves……….it’s just old stuff that we took on board when younger. Look at it freshly. Do you still want this belief? Does it help you at all? When we become aware of any old belief then we can let it fall away. And try out a new belief.
I can cook.I am good enough….of course I am.
I can do it.
Saturday, February 24, 2018
Anger! Anger! Anger! Anger! Anger!!
You don’t feel it, do you?
It wouldn’t be right to feel it, would it?
What would happen if you did feel it?
No, no, no, it’s just a little frustration!
Go away frustration. Now just stuff down. Suppress it. Depress it. And be vigilant for it popping up again. What an effort it is, being vigilant. What an effort it is, controlling the fear of the anger (oops, frustration!) coming again.
Or maybe it’s resentment. That’s okay. It can bubble away just out of sight. That can be controlled.
Or maybe it’s restlessness. That’s okay. Just annoying.
Or tenseness in the body. That’s okay. Take a pill to relax. Take another to make sure the depressed feelings stay down.
Really!! Honestly, life can be so much easier than this.
It takes effort to keep those feelings under control. It takes effort to depress those feelings.
And it’s all driven by fear. Fear of what might happen if anger is allowed. Fear of what is even deeper than the fear.
I remember once upon a time, when I didn’t feel any feelings – well none that I was afraid of. My body got more and more tense. Then my digestive system didn’t work well. I was irritable inside and out. Then I got “depressed”. I searched for help. Eventually I found the journey method and did the training. I learned to allow myself to feel. Not always pleasant, in the short term but definitely fantastic in the longer term. Because feelings dissolve. When they are welcomed, they are felt and then go. Amazing, eh. We get so scared that the feeling is going to hang around that we make it hang around by putting effort into not feeling it. Funny logic!!
And this is even without our minds getting involved. You know, those thoughts that try to analyse why the feeling is there. Oh, must be because of what that person said, or what they did. And then the thinking goes round in circles and keeps the feeling there.
So, when a feeling arises, notice it. And feel it in your body. Maybe be a bit curious about where it is in your body.
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Who are you?A person, a mother, a father, a son, a daughter, a sister, a brother, a gardener, a worker, a grandma, a grandad, a speaker, a writer, a provider, a helper, a homeowner.......................the list could go on and on. And if all this was taken away, what would be left? Underneath all these roles that you play, who are you really? Because the above list is not who you are......they are roles you carry out. We place so much importance on these roles that we forget what is inside. Our mind takes over and directs our life with reasons and doubts. Very effectively.
And then if the question about who we are arises, we try to figure it out with our mind. Doesn't work. If our mind could give a clear answer, then it already would have. But it hasn't. So we distract ourselves with thinking about our roles.
And does this matter?? Not at all.
Life will go on anyway, just as it does.
You can decide to enjoy figuring out life with your mind, if you want to. Or you can not try to figure life out. You get to choose.
But sometimes a yearning arises. Like a tender feeling from deep within. (I can feel it now, as i write this). A yearning to be true to the very deepest part of you. A yearning to live life from this deeper place of truth and love. A yearning to step outside of the conditioning that you have experienced in your younger years. The conditioning may be experienced as restrictions. It may be experienced as suffering. If you listen to this yearning, it will guide you. Open to this tender yearning.