Friday, February 22, 2019
I’m an expert doubter. As soon as I have an idea, a million doubts arise. Sometimes these doubts feel like they are way in the distance and it is relatively easy to dismiss these. Sometimes they are closer and I hear them a bit clearer. I might even dwell on them for a few minutes. I might even consider them. Sometimes, they are really loud and demanding. This is when they feel very real, and I think I should take notice. Then my mind doubts whether I should take notice and goes into a spiral about how to decide which doubts are important. Surely some of them are actually important and I really should take notice!! Maybe I should even follow the doubts and where they lead to. If I don’t, what might happen? Oh, dear, what a turmoil.
BUT, are the seemingly real doubts the real ones? What is the difference between the far away doubts and the close doubts? Is my judgement of near or far doubts an indication of the importance, or not?
After I actually make a decision, many more doubts arise about what I have decided…… there are a million things that could go wrong, and I don’t want them to go wrong. Usually these doubts subside over time, unless something tells me that I made a wrong decision and a doubt was right!!!! Then I might start believing doubts.
What a mess! Is your mind like this?
And what underlies the doubts? What makes a difference to the closeness of the doubts?
Interesting question, eh! Because it’s likely that the closeness of the doubts is not a factual thing and not related to how seriously you should take them.
What underlies the doubts? It is easy to dismiss doubts as normal. And they are. But if you were to ask yourself about them, what do you discover?
I have discovered that the perpetrator of doubts is fear.
It’s uncomfortable always. And it can run lives. It can direct and control lives. Even when we don’t know that it is.
I do not want my life to be controlled by fear. Do you?
It’s limiting and restrictive.
Solution: Allow the fear to be felt in the body. In fact, welcome it, knowing that this is the way to freedom. It is not the way to having no fear. It is the way to the fear not controlling you. That’s right. Feel the fear in your body, welcome it, and in this you can relax with the fear, so that it does not stop you from doing what you want to do.
And so the question about doubts being far away or closer, is about how strong the fear is. Maybe!
Friday, February 8, 2019
When stepping up and taking responsibility for one’s life is a roller coaster!!
There are many ways to take responsibility for one’s life.
There is the day to day talking with others and being vigilant about saying what’s truthful to you, rather than what you think others want to hear.
There is planning what to do, so that it honours you, rather than just to make others happy. This does not preclude being kind. Compassion and taking kind action are flavours of love, which is the basis of real life. But taking kind action at the expense of yourself needs considering – that is, are you trying to make others happy because of an underlying need to avoid conflict…………or to feel approved of. Of course you can take kind action – be kind to yourself and be kind to others, but not a slave to being kind to others.
There is being honest and in line with your values. What do you believe is important for you and how you live your life.
There is deciding who you want to spend time with. Letting go of those expectations and spending time with people whose energy supports yours.
There is taking steps to follow what you really desire in life.
All those factors of taking responsibility can produce fear, when the mind comes up with doubts and different reasoning. There can be so many uncertainties and unknowns and waiting for one piece of information before proceeding with another step. Being present in each step supports you to relax. Our mind can buzz ahead and try and solve things before we know the information. Be present in each step. In each day. In each task.
Let the fear be present here too. The effort in trying to stop feeling the fear is tiring. Let yourself feel it. It won’t destroy you. It’s the mind talk that produces more fear and then your mind thinks it can’t cope. Feel the fear in your body and as you focus on where in your body it is, your mind can subside.
Life is too precious to allow the fear to stop you doing what is right for you and what you really want to do.