The mirror effect versus their patterns

You may have read about the mirror effect. It is often written about in spiritual works. You can also read about it in Psychology scripts.

Basically, it means that you notice and become aware of patterns of behaviour in other people, that you yourself do. We see in others what we do ourselves. We recognise the patterns because we know them ourselves. Intimately.

So the mirror effect is a reminder to observe ourselves for the patterns of behaviour that we see in others. That behaviour might annoy us, or cause us to feel frustrated or angry. So why would we feel like this when we do it too?

Something to work on!!!  Feelings to face!!!! An opportunity for growth. A chance to look honestly at ourselves.

And then there is the truth that we all develop patterns of behaving because of our upbringing and develop strategies to keep ourselves save from feeling emotions we don't wish to feel. We act out habits and ways of being, because of our history and the way we have tried to protect ourselves.

So how do these 2 theories work together? Can they both be understood?
We can be aware of other people's patterns and be compassionate about them, understanding that these patterns have been built up over years and now may be unconsciously acted out.
We can also see the opportunity for ourselves - for our growth. We can notice a behaviour, and maybe we notice it because it annoys us, and ask ourselves  -- "How do I do that?

This is a valuable way to step outside of ourself and observe ourself. Be honest and if there is emotion, then allow it to be felt. It will then dissolve. In this dissolving, the original reason for the behaviour may surface. Allow it also, to be let go.

The journey to freedom continues.

Suffering and pain

Today as I sat on a rock at the sea shore, I reflected that recently I have been experiencing more suffering and emotional pain than ever in my life. (that I can remember!)

There has been so much hurt that at times I have despaired of getting out of it.

And because I do Journeywork, I have also thought that my Journey tools had deserted me.

However, I know that I can be slow to experience the real emotion. And my mind gets in the way with many weird thoughts going in all directions. This diverts the feeling of the emotion and yet, the thoughts create more suffering. Maybe they create the suffering totally.

Because I know that there is no such thing as real suffering - it is all in my interpretation or perception of the situation. If I welcome the emotion of each moment, the emotion will expand and reveal another deeper emotion as it dissolves. Until they are gone. (for now) Until the beauty of the real me is revealed.

I walked along the beach focusing on the shells, the driftwood, the waves, the sand. My being relaxed.  I allowed emotion without story. and without attachment. I dropped into stillness. (When walking in the first direction, I was aware that stillness was being elusive.)

By the time I arrived home I was feeling strong and able to be me. The me that is understanding, loving, and kind without losing me. The me that has a purpose in life, which is true and pure.

Despair

A very uncomfortable emotion.

Wriggle, wriggle, wriggle - how to get out of it.

Keep busy?

Go to sleep?

The sleep isn't happening and the busy is not proving to be easy busy.

So, no way out of it. Really!! There must be.
.
Oh well, here it comes again. Waves of it. No way out. The mind cannot think of any way out of the situation which is causing despair to arise. Actually, thinking about the situation allows more despair to arise. So accepting despair  -  tears  - sobs  -  on and on......................
A gift you say:  can't see it yet!
Nothing to do but allow the feeling..............and I haven't dropped through it yet, but I will.

Separateness

To breath in a resource "separateness" seemed to my mind to be counter to developing wisdom in oneness.
And yet........... this is what arrived for me during a deep journey inside myself. I needed to be able to separate myself from my mothers emotions, before I was even born. You know how closely connected we are to our mothers - afterall we spend 9 months growing from an embryo to a baby inside her body - sharing her blood and everything that is embedded in that. We are completely and thoroughly influenced by her emotions.

So it seems that my emotions were completely formed by her's. And then my beliefs about myself were also formed and followed on from the emotions.

I needed to separate myself from all this,
       cut ties with her emotions
       realise that I am not responsible for other people's emotions
       keep myself separate from other people's emotions.
Otherwise I would continue to automatically link into other people's emotions, especially those people close to me. I would continue on the same old path of feeling rotten and guilty when someone else has uncomfortable emotions.

So I choose a new path  -  that of feeling compassion for myself and for others, empathy but not ownership for their feelings, understanding but not necessarily agreement.

I choose a new path  - a path of freedom, expansiveness and boundless love.

Oneness is here, on this path.

Breaking up

The decision is made to "break the relationship". NO!!   I don't like that word break.

The decision is made to separate. Ah, a bit better.

The decision is made to not live together. However, this cannot be instant because there is a property to sell.  So...............................what is to be experienced in this limbo time??

Compassion

Uncertainty

Grief

Sadness

Hopelessness

Anger

Vulnerability

Frustration

Friendliness

Helpfulness

Letting go

Trusting

Releasing feelings. Checking in with my body barometer to see what my body is telling me!!  TIRED,  tired, tired, tired, so tired. And often times tiredness is a cover for resisting emotions. So what is here -  oh, just more of the above

The decision is made to not live together. No concept of what the future might hold. Stepping into the unknown again.

Having to be right.

It feels awful when someone corrects me. Or tell me what I need to do. Or lectures (expression of my interpretation and feeling??) me on the correct way to do something. Especially when it is someone close and they do it often when we are together.

Are you like that? Do you have to correct someone when they use a word that is not quite correct? Do you come out with a definite opinion is such a way that the other person feels that they cannot respond with a different opinion. Maybe you do it without even thinking about it?

According to the enneogram this person is probably a personality type that is disintegrating into mind stuff - just now anyway while they are feeling stressed.

Their world is not feeling safe and comfortable so they are expressing a need for things to be right as they know them. Every time someone else says something or does something that doesn't fit with what they perceive as correct, they just have to comment. It's a try at making things safe for themselves.

And yes, I am like that sometimes. I recognise this pattern from what has happened around me and also from what I have done. So I offer my apologies to anyone who has been affected by me being critical.

That's what I feel it is when I receive it - criticism.

Notice I say "I feel...." The person may not be intending to correct or criticise, but I have perceived it as such.  It's my feeling. and my perception. I do take responsibility for how I feel and how I perceive.

I am aware that when I am stressed that I am more sensitive to implied cricitism and when I am feeling strong, then things like that just roll off me and don't affect me.

This year I have been doing lots of experiencing and learning about rightness, sameness and differences. I have been letting go of some of my perceptions of what is right and expanding my awareness. What a gift!

If you need help with this issue check out www.emotionaltherapy.co.nz and maybe we can get together.

Time

Time is a funny thing!!.

Sometimes it goes fast and sometimes it goes slow.

And this all depends on our perception of it, doesn't it?  You know the story. When you are doing something fun, then it whizzes by and when you are doing something dreary, then it goes slow. When you are at the dentist time drags and yet when you are out of there, looking back, it seems like it went fast. It's over - yay!

When you meditate what does time do?

I remember sitting in the Sanctuary at Mana Retreat Centre, Cromandel, staying still in the immense stillness. The time would slow. Each minute felt like an  hour with nothing in it. No busyness, no problems to solve, no conversations, no stories. Not that I looked at a watch every minute, but there is a bell tower there that rings on the quarter hour and it was a very long time until the next chiming.

And I realised that the perception of time is just that - a perception - it's not real. Yet we set ourselves to be confined by time. We urge ourselves to do more, to get more done. Is that part of conditioning from young? That we think we need to fill this moment with doing or thinking in order to...........achieve something??

"Take your time. There is  plenty of time"

I realised this when in India at the sacred mountain Mt Arunachala. Our group realised this. When I meditate, this is realised again. There is plenty of time.
Time is what we make of it. Time is what we think it is.

Change how you think of time. To allow more possibilities. Let your mind relax. Let the future unfold. Trust yourself - whatever you need to do, will get done. Take your time.