Monday, January 29, 2018
Sex and love
Us woman carry a whole raft of unconscious beliefs about sex and love. And I’m sure that men do too. These have been passed down from parents (either or both mum and dad) and from grandparents. Think back to your grandparents day or your great grandparents day, and let your mind wander about in the confusion of what was going on inside your grandmother. She probably had a quite narrow role to play back then – to do with being a mum, doing the household chores and looking after the comforts of her husband. “The way to a man’s heart is through food (and sex)”. She may not have been aware of choices for herself. She may have had no say about her life. I wonder how she really felt inside herself.
For me, I took on my mother’s beliefs. My purpose in life was to get married, have children, look after my husband no matter how angry and controlling he was. In fact, being controlled and being loved kinda blended together. One was dependent on the other. There were beliefs such as: I have to be good to be valued and loved, I have to do as I am told to be loved, I cannot disagree, I as a person, are not important, it is bad to enjoy sex, my body is not nice, and certainly not for pleasure.
So these beliefs created confusion and restrictions. I’m guessing that grandparents and great grandparents also felt confusion and restrictions at some level. Some people may have been aware of it and others unaware. The confusion may have caused some behaviours to occur, that caused a conflict inside, or a conflict outside, or disapproval, or judgement (of self or by others). Maybe the confusion just had to break out at times.
How are you in relationship? Are you dependent on your other or better half? Do you feel that you are not yourself within the relationship? That you are entwined within the relationship and the other person. Who are you?
How do you feel about your sexuality? There are many deep down beliefs about sex and sexuality that will be affecting you. And this is an area that you may not feel comfortable exploring. Because…..it has been a taboo subject for so long. Even as far as thinking goes, let alone talking!!
What if you were to be light with life? What if you were to suspend judgements of self and of others? What if you were to value yourself? What if you were to BE LOVE --- loving yourself, loving others, acting from love, loving life. To be love, means to live in freedom from restricting beliefs and judgements, and connect with people in truth. How might you feel about sex and partner-love then?