Sex and love

Us woman carry a whole raft of unconscious beliefs about sex and love. And I’m sure that men do too. These have been passed down from parents (either or both mum and dad) and from grandparents. Think back to your grandparents day or your great grandparents day, and let your mind wander about in the confusion of what was going on inside your grandmother. She probably had a quite narrow role to play back then – to do with being a mum, doing the household chores and looking after the comforts of her husband. “The way to a man’s heart is through food (and sex)”. She may not have been aware of choices for herself. She may have had no say about her life. I wonder how she really felt inside herself.

For me, I took on my mother’s beliefs. My purpose in life was to get married, have children, look after my husband no matter how angry and controlling he was. In fact, being controlled and being loved kinda blended together. One was dependent on the other. There were beliefs such as:                                                                                                                                                                                      I have to be good to be valued and loved,  I have to do as I am told to be loved, I cannot disagree, I as a person, are not important,  it is bad to enjoy sex, my body is not nice, and certainly not for pleasure.

So these beliefs created confusion and restrictions. I’m guessing that grandparents and great grandparents also felt confusion and restrictions at some level. Some people may have been aware of it and others unaware.  The confusion may have caused some behaviours to occur, that caused a conflict inside, or a conflict outside, or disapproval, or judgement (of self or by others). Maybe the confusion just had to break out at times.

How are you in relationship? Are you dependent on your other or better half? Do you feel that you are not yourself within the relationship? That you are entwined within the relationship and the other person. Who are you?

How do you feel about your sexuality? There are many deep down beliefs about sex and sexuality that will be affecting you. And this is an area that you may not feel comfortable exploring. Because…..it has been a taboo subject for so long. Even as far as thinking goes, let alone talking!!

What if you were to be light with life? What if you were to suspend judgements of self and of others? What if you were to value yourself? What if you were to BE LOVE  --- loving yourself, loving others, acting from love, loving life. To be love, means to live in freedom from restricting beliefs and judgements, and connect with people in truth. How might you feel about sex and partner-love then?

From fed up with life to being on purpose

From yucky feelings to peaceful and happy feelings.

How? Well, I can only suppose that it’s because my intention was to feel whatever was coming up. I refused to distract myself by reading or watching movies or anything else. I wanted to be free of the stuff and the only way was to welcome the feelings.

On Saturday I ran an Inner Path one day retreat. As part of the introductions I asked people to close their eyes and let arise a couple of things that they would like to share with the others about themselves. I had thought that I should think of what I want to say….this is my usual way…I don’t want to get caught out not knowing what to say!! However, I had not thought about what to say, so I had to completely follow my own instructions. I went first and the words came straight out of my mouth, with me having no idea of what was going to come out. What I said was “My passion is to live in truth and to support others to live in truth”. So there it is. In words. My purpose. Yahoo!

Since then, this has developed into ideas and possibilities. Another Inner Path day with a theme of LOVE and to make a labyrinth that is shaped like a heart. 3rd March.

Someone mentioned that I could run regular sessions at my home for people to experience the solar plexus quartz singing bowl. Mind gets busy – really, do I want to commit to a regular thing? YES. I do not need to be rigid about it so let that go. So a fortnightly session of Qi gong, meditation and quartz singing bowl. Email me if you would like to be notified of when it is. It will be at Paraparaumu Beach so maybe not possible for south island people or others who don’t live round here.

Continue with my own spiritual deepening. YES. Attending 2 retreats in Auckland in February. The first one is with Gangaji and Eli Jaxon-Bear, and the next weekend is with Eli and Jared Franks on the Enneagram. This will support me to allow my truth to shine effortlessly and support me to support others.

The Inner Path day unfolded according the group of people there. I had a flexible plan. I criticised myself afterwards as I analysed the day. Until I realised that I was not even remembering each part clearly. Fantastic. This was then, that I got at a deeper level, that the day is playing out through me and not because I am in control of the day. Everyone gave lovely positive feedback. Let me believe it. It was a day that was perfect for everyone.

Fed up with life?

The gift of this time of the year can be that we slow down. By that I mean, that after Christmas we can be in holiday mode. Once the organising is done, then what? Do you bury yourself in a book or watch movies? These are great for relaxing and also great for avoiding internal stuff. Maybe you go walking. Maybe you play with the children in a more carefree way than usual.  Or maybe you carry on being busy, just in a different way. Do you find it hard to slow down? Do you find it hard to let go of work mode? That’s a clue that you probably need to experience some time for yourself. Sitting in nature can be an experience of allowing yourself to stop. Sometimes the mind wants to keep being busy. Allow the mind to think and be light with the thoughts. Allow yourself to dream lazily and after a while the most amazing refreshing ideas can pop up.

Being in this holiday time can also mean that old emotions come to the surface. Previously they were controlled and covered over by all the work and responsibilities of life. The routines of daily life can cover up so much. So this time can be a gift. Personally I’ve had some old stuff arise. Could be entirely a story that it’s old stuff actually. How would I know? Can I believe my analysis?  So really it’s a case of allowing whatever crops up. Anyway for me, the stuff had to do with being fed up with life and feeling directionless.  I remember this feeling from my teenage years and also from a few years before finding The Journey. On both those occasions I buried myself in historical romantic novels. Not so this time.  My intention is to feel this stuff, because I want to be free of it. The only way out, is in! My mind, and other people, say with understanding, that I have gone through so many changes in the last 3 and a half years – 3 house shifts, 3 town shifts, left my husband of 42 years, left my job of 25 years, had another job for 2 years, was in a relationship for 18 months, left that, now live on own, getting to know different people. Yes, that’s enough. I guess, however, my expectation is that I have tools to cope with all of this. And they have been very useful.  And right now, they are still useful. One of these, is the ability to observe myself – to know that this that is happening does not affect who I really am. I didn’t have this skill those other times. As well, an opportunity arose for me to have a Life’s Purpose Journey Process.  What an opening to layers of emotion and then through the dark void to the beauty and stillness inside. I am so grateful for this work. #thejourneymethod