Words

I have a thing about words. I really would like people around me to use the words that express what they really mean. Such a high expectation!!

Words are funny things. The exact same word can mean different things to different people. Especially when people have different backgrounds, conditioning and up bringing. And that's without even considering the tone of the voice and the body language, both of which are a high percentage of the communication. And also included is that whole level of communication involved in connection - unspoken and unseen.

It all feels complicated to me. I spend way too much time trying to figure out what is going on for others and for me. Much easier to just leave it. Well, it's hard to keep track of the conversation and gain clarity.

And then the words that come out of my mouth - are they the truth? What meaning does someone else take from them? How do I explain myself? Are the words spoken in that moment the truth for always then? Must they be forever. Can I accept that I might express something now and then express it differently another time? And if I do, what does that mean about me? That I don't know what I think and believe? Will they take another meaning than I intended? Will I be judged?

Many questions. Too much thinking!

So if I can be non-attached - that is, observing myself in these types of situations - I see that I have some emotions connected with these situations. And judgements of myself and others. The task is to allow myself time to really feel and let go.

And even now, am I making sense to anyone??????????????? Or even to me??

Maybe this is why I can work with non-verbal children. Maybe this is why I enjoy working in the garden.
And such joy yesterday, playing with my young grandson - being totally present in the moment. Shared joy when shaking leaves, poking a finger into a hole in tree bark, poking a droplet of gum, lying on the grass, listening to birds, pointing to planes in the sky. No expectations, no judging, no reasoning  -  just joy and love.

P.S. And to be honest, I would like people to agree with me. Differences of opinions bring up feelings of .............. And this is a topic for another blog.

Walk in the bush and celebrate your body

I went for a walk in the bush today.

The track wandered up and down, round one way and then the other, over bridges, across roads, in amongst tree ferns, in amongst little ferns, in between huge trees, in between little spindly trees. The analogy was that it is like life - twists and turns, some effort needed here and then easy here, across bridges. And all the way there was a stillness. The bush and trees provide an awareness of the oneness of life. They provide a sense of the ongoing nature of life - no matter what happens, life goes on. So we may as well accept and go for the ride. The trees and the earth is here - they may shake too and then settle and their energy regenerates all of us.

 The sound of the water flowing in the stream and falling down the waterfall is also calming. There is a stillness in the movement and movement in the stillness. Life flows on. Go with it.

 And while I was walking I was aware of my body. It was feeling easy and working smoothly. No tension. After a while there was a little pain in one hip and I reminded myself to alter my movement just a little. I learned this from someone who does Orthbionomy. One of the principles is to move muscles, joints, limbs in the way that that the part of the body wants to move. Often we get a pain because we are using a a particular part in a way that is causing friction. So slow down and be aware of the detail of the movement and experiment with shifting the movement slightly.
So I slowed down and brought my awareness to the movement of my legs. I became aware of the feet movements and how my foot below that hip was moving. Then as I felt each little movement of heel, ball of foot and toes, I altered the movement just a little and then my hip gradually felt okay.
Magic eh!! So simple.
The same principle can be applied to daily living. Open into stillness, observe what is happening in your body - be it muscle tension or emotion. listen deeply. What is here in this moment, no other moment but this moment.

Avoiding Emotions Sequel.

I suspect that the list of strategies for avoiding emotions is endless, so thought a sequel was needed. How come we are so good at the strategies? Are emotions really that awful?

Some people talk about it so much that it drives the emotion away.

Some people have lots of tears and wipe the emotion away with tissues.

Some people cry and then other people wipe away the emotion with comfort and pats.

Some people yell at the dog or the kids.

Some people walk away.

Some people read novels and get involved in someone else's story.

Some people produce a cover, such as hope or calmness. Hope is usually thought of a virtuous thing. But isn't it obvious that if you have a hope about the future, then you aren't focusing in the present? Hope is about wanting something to be better. So what's happening right now that you want to avoid? Do something in this moment ......feel.....speak up......stop and be still........
And calmness can be a conscious effort to not feel.

ME?? I guess I use or have used most of these strategies.

I have had a couple of periods of a few years in my life when I read lots of light novels. Enjoyable stories. Used up the time in a pleasant way and I avoided emotions.

A cover of calmness has certainly been a prominent strategy - smile and people will think I am okay. These days any calmness I have is a more genuine calmness, a deeper calmness.

Keep busy - yep, a common strategy of mine.

Hoping or wishing life was different - this too.

Actually, I think that I have been an expert at avoiding emotions.

Want to challenge my expert status?? How many strategies have you used?

And these days, my strategies just don't work as effectively. So guess what - I get to feel emotions. Some pleasant and some painful. Some wonderful. Some uncomfortable. I get to embrace them and allow them to dissolve.

Avoiding Emotions

What is your favourite strategy for avoiding emotions? Do you have a strategy? Of course you do. We all do.
Some people walk away.
Some people get physically active.
Some people tell others complaining stories.
Some people blame.
Some people go quiet.
Some people pretend to have no emotions.
What do you do?
Are you aware of what you do? Really?
Maybe you are a person who yells, screams, kicks, slam doors, runs. Then do you feel that you have felt the emotions? And then it's scary to feel emotions because you might do it again and be out of control. In our society it is judged as not good if we project emotions in this way. The dilemma is that we don't know that that behaviour is actually a strategy for avoiding emotions. We are not taught to just feel emotions. We believe that projecting and acting out is feeling. And following on from this, the belief is created that emotions are not good and need to be avoided,
We can choose not to indulge in these strategies - just stop - be aware of the feeling in the body - no story of blame or why the feeling is there -just the raw emotion. This is feeling emotion. And it is very freeing, because it then dissolves. And the story loses it's significance. Wahoo!

And can I do this?? Can you?

Since the major changes in my life I have felt more emotions than ever before. I have even been emotional!! Instead of living life along a calm middle line, I have experienced all sorts of emotions. I suspect (but don't know) that because I have piles of emotions that have been suppressed over many years they are being let out to be felt, triggered by simple little things. Impatience when the hose fitting doesn't work, frustration with the computer, anger when I can't find something, etc.
Or are these just safe situations to feel emotions?? Oh dear - the  mind can rationalize and analyse for ever.
Anyway to answer the question. Yes, I can stop and feel the raw emotion  - sometimes. Other times, the feeling hangs around for a while. maybe until something distracts me from it - oh, well - it will resurface another time. The gift of life will provide an opportunity for emotions to be felt, allowed and released.

Manifesting

Is manifesting something you want, as simple as wanting it? Is it about the detail of the wanting? Visualising? Feeling it? Experiencing it in an all round way? Trusting it will happen? Knowing it will happen? Making up a ritual about it? How does one do it?

I am living in a lovely house - We moved here 7 months ago. And there are features of this house that I have wanted for a very long time.

Since I was a young child I have wanted to live in a 2 storey house. This house has 2 bedrooms, a bathroom/toilet and a Journey room upstairs. How did that happen? What was the nature of the wanting that made it happen? Or was it just a fluke?

For a very long time I have wanted a house with a proper entrance way. You know, like a foyer, where people come in, and it welcomes them, before they move into a passage or a room. This house has a lovely entrance room. Come in, and then move upstairs, or into the lounge, or through a passage to other parts of the house. How did it happen that I now have this?

Another feature that I have wanted for a long time, is to have interesting shaped rooms rather than just square or oblong. This lounge, for example, has different levels of ceiling, and different shapes to the walls, even a built in dresser in a triangle part. I am typing this at our office desk which is part of the  lounge but in a corner off from it. How did I manage to get to live in such a house?

When I think about how I have wanted these features, I am unclear about how the wanting was. It just appears to have been a feeling of deliciousness when sensing those features. I don't remember actually thinking or trusting or knowing that I would get these things. Even when we first looked at this house, I didn't immediately think that I would be getting what I wanted.  

So did I want without wanting? Work that one out. Somehow it seems that I did.

Did I appreciate what I had before? Yes, I did. I enjoyed all the  houses I have lived in. I was grateful for the features that they had.

Did I yearn for the features that this place has? No, I didn't. They were just there, somehow.

So how have you manifested? How was it for you?

Infinite Potential

Last weekend I went to a seminar. Actually I can't call it a seminar, because it was nothing like a typical seminar. The title was Manifest Abundance. Remember my blog a couple ago and my list of wants? Oh, maybe I could apply strategies and get all my wants? Unfortunately it was not about applying strategies. It was not about organising thoughts and being specific about wants. So what was it about??
Well, it was about recognising that life is abundant regardless of what we do. It is knowing inside that me, I am infinite potential. That I came into this world as full potential and that the limits were placed on me by my emotions and beliefs about myself and about abundance.

Limiting beliefs about abundance were formed when I was young:
"Money doesn't grow on trees","Money is limited"
"One has to plan carefully for the future"
"One has to put money aside and keep it there"
"Don't spend that today, you might need it tomorrow"
"Being frugal is a virtue"
"You are a better person if you don't spend money on yourself"
" Only buy what you need, not what you want"
And many others, that in this moment, I can't remember.
And I recognise that it's the way my parents were, because of the times and because of how their parent's were. And I acknowledge that the man I married had the same or similar beliefs, which then reinforced my beliefs and carried them on.

But do I need those beliefs now?

You know, my intention for the weekend was not actually about money but somehow those beliefs showed up. My intention for the weekend was to allow my truth and the real me to shine strongly in each moment.

So how did the weekend affect me? Sometimes the effects are subtle and hard to find with our minds.
If I stop and just feel inside me, right now, then this is what comes up for me to say.
I have a stronger belief in me, in the real me - the me that is sometimes or often covered by conditioning and learned beliefs. I feel stronger and stiller and more relaxed and more energetic. My senses have been sharpened. What I see in the view or in people is somehow deeper. I have let go of something. I feel freer and more appreciative of what others have to offer.

I am more me.

And it feels like the world is very expansive, that the unexpected can turn up, that there is so much abundance around me.

I am grateful.

Gratitude for a dog's love.

Until a few months ago, I had had nothing to do with dogs, Other than feel scared of them at times. Other than not liking them sniffing at my private parts, Other than finding the barking and yapping annoying. And the smell.
So what happened when I began living with a dog? A large dog? A "menacing" dog? (Council classification)
It was actually an easy process, helped by the explanations of Paul, my partner. Step by step, I got to know Zac, a Rhodesian Ridgeback who is a beautiful colour and has this beautiful ridge of fur down his back. He's nine years old. He didn't jump up at me and he didn't bark at me.
Now, he follows me around, keeping an eye on me, sitting so close he touches my leg when people come. How protective would he be, I wonder?
He joins me when I go to feed the chooks, and explores up the hill behind while I am busy there and races down when I return from them. And races on ahead coming to a sudden stop when he realises he is way ahead of me. Unless he is keen to get inside to the fire or his breakfast, in which case he carries on at speed.
He walks with me up the steep hill on our property, stopping when I do, detouring, exploring and rejoining me.
He likes to come with me to the orchard and sits, looking expectantly at me, wanting me to throw him a bite of an apple, pear, plum or peach.
He lies in the sun while I garden and if I sit for a rest, he immediately gets up, comes over and gives me a lick before sitting down close enough for me to pat him, or lean on him.
He lies beside me if I am working on the computer and occasionally gets up and come and pushes his face under my arm.
He has a sweet tooth, just like Paul - he likes a piece of toast with honey, or a biscuit, or cake, and loves to lick clean the empty yoghurt container.
He has expanded my understanding of life and I am very grateful for this and for having him a part of my life. A friend indeed. Unconditional love.