Friday, July 28, 2017
Is calmness a cover up for more interesting emotions.?
We think we are clever. We think we are doing the right thing. We think we are being righteous. We think we are being good. How? By not allowing our emotions. It’s how we have been conditioned by our family, and by society. We are taught that it’s good to be calm and balanced all the time. We strive for this. We strive to be right in this.
When I was younger people admired how calm I was. I can tell you, that it was a big cover up job. Any hint of emotion and I stuffed it down. Too scary. Too unknown an area. And there was a cost to me. It meant that I sailed along in life without experiencing the richness of life. I didn’t experience any strong emotions, either the “negative” ones or the exciting joyous ones. Bland, I say. BLAND!!.
Do you know what to do with your emotions? Do you allow them to be felt? Do you find them scary and stuff them down before you even get a little feel? Is your life bland?
How about you do a little experiment with yourself. Have an intention to be curious about your feelings. Maybe when you are on your own so you feel safe. And see what happens. As you experiment more you will begin to notice more about how you are feeling. Allow yourself to feel the emotions in your body. When your mind jumps in with the story of why you feel this way, just ask your mind, where in the body do you feel this, and bring your awareness to that part. Your mind will try and jump in again, it’s what minds do. Redirect your awareness to your body. Your body is where emotions are felt.
These days, I am actually more genuinely calmer than I was earlier. Well, you know, in-between the other emotions!! My body has been learning that I will allow emotions to be felt. So they arrive. The good, the bad and the in-between. All emotions are welcome in me. This allows me to live life more lightly, because emotions come and then they go. Emotions do not hang around when they are welcomed to be felt.
Sometimes we want to have the thoughts about the emotion. We want to analyse them. Somehow it seems to justify them. Somehow if we can blame someone else or some circumstance for our feelings then we don’t have to own our own feelings. But really, give yourself some trust. Know that it is safe to feel feelings in your body. If you fall apart into vulnerability, so be it. It is actually okay. If you fall into anger, this is okay too….feel it in your body. If fear or even terror arises, feel that too. You do not have to do anything with the emotions, except feel them. Then they dissolve.