Tuesday, May 2, 2017
Letting love in.
Let me tell you a story: Recently I went for a walk in a pine forest with a friend. We walked a long way downhill. Through swampy ground and my gumboot had a leak….so I was getting a wet foot. Ugh! And feeling cross. Then we sat down. Looking up I could see the branches of the pine trees, and also the fronds of a tall tree fern. It felt like they were sheltering us, embracing us. We sat on some rocks. (old volcanic rocks placed there by the force of the earth) We sat in stillness and my friend prompted me to uncover what was going on inside me. I was super reluctant, in fact, it felt like there was no choice for me. I was either going to run away (rebel) or resign myself to staying stuck. No falling into and facing whatever emotion was deeper. In the midst of this a realisation arose – that I felt threatened by love. And secondly that the rebel or resign scenario is a pattern of mine.
So what to do with these realisations. What would you do? Are they familiar to you? Do you accept love offered to you?
For me, I realised that in my childhood, love was conditional. I had to earn it by doing as I was told, by being good, by behaving right. And so in growing up, I worked to earn love. I tried to gain approval from others. In my marriage I worked to earn love. I worked hard at keeping the peace so that I knew that I had earned love. And what is love, really.
Can you love yourself? Can you love the little child that is still a part of you? My little child was so confused. Afterall, our parents or those we live with when we are young affect our whole way of being. In order to feel truly secure and connected to others, we need to experience unconditional love. When we perceive that strings are attached then we set up beliefs about ourselves that do not serve us in truth. We may believe that love only comes when we submit to being controlled. We may believe that we have to behave in certain ways. We may believe that we are worthless on our own. And there are many more possible beliefs that could have been put in place on the same theme.
So how about you talk to the little you inside you, and show understanding and compassion. Maybe give her or him some resources to help him or her cope differently. Stop for a moment and let the love of the universe in. And if you were to show unconditional love to your inner self, what then………….