Aloneness

The mind can be very busy about living on one's own in these early stages. It's can and does go in different directions depending on how I am feeling.

Mostly the  mind and the being are settling nicely. See, I'm observing myself and realise that I need time. I have lots to organise to fix the house so this is giving me time. I have lots to do in the small garden so this too, is providing daily purpose and fun and excitement. And I am looking after me - having compassion, going for walks on the beach, sitting in the sun, frequenting the garden shop and cafe.

And the memories of the relationship. Why do I cling to............ something of the past. My mind can come up with ideas about this. But really, there is an emotion here that needs to leave!!!!! And I guess I need to face it first. But again I am clinging..................... maybe its a little something of being a victim. And yet I made the decision to separate. So what the other person is doing shouldn't affect me, should it??  Funny how the mind comes up with should's and should not's. Which means I am resisting. And you know the story - that which we resist persists!!!! 

And yet, the acceptance is not yet happening. I know myself enough to know that it will - when I am ready to let go of needing to be a little bit of a victim. To be really honest there are feelings of betrayal, stupidity, unfairness. There is no logic about these. There is no right or no wrong about feeling them. They just are. They are purely emotions and they can be let go. They will dissolve when I no longer need to hang on to them. I wonder when that will be?