Anger

Anger!  Anger!  Anger!  Anger! Anger!!

You don’t feel it, do you?

It wouldn’t be right to feel it, would it?

What would happen if you did feel it?

No, no, no, it’s just a little frustration!

How annoying!

Go away frustration. Now just stuff down. Suppress it. Depress it. And be vigilant for it popping up again. What an effort it is, being vigilant. What an effort it is, controlling the fear of the anger (oops, frustration!) coming again.

Or maybe it’s resentment. That’s okay. It can bubble away just out of sight. That can be controlled.

Or maybe it’s restlessness. That’s okay. Just annoying.

Or tenseness in the body. That’s okay. Take a pill to relax. Take another to make sure the depressed feelings stay down.

Really!!  Honestly, life can be so much easier than this.

It takes effort to keep those feelings under control. It takes effort to depress those feelings.

And it’s all driven by fear. Fear of what might happen if anger is allowed. Fear of what is even deeper than the fear.

I remember once upon a time, when I didn’t feel any feelings – well none that I was afraid of. My body got more and more tense. Then my digestive system didn’t work well. I was irritable inside and out. Then I got “depressed”. I searched for help. Eventually I found the journey method and did the training.  I learned to allow myself to feel. Not always pleasant, in the short term but definitely fantastic in the longer term. Because feelings dissolve. When they are welcomed, they are felt and then go. Amazing, eh. We get so scared that the feeling is going to hang around that we make it hang around by putting effort into not feeling it. Funny logic!!

And this is even without our minds getting involved. You know, those thoughts that try to analyse why the feeling is there. Oh, must be because of what that person said, or what they did. And then the thinking goes round in circles and keeps the feeling there.

So, when a feeling arises, notice it. And feel it in your body. Maybe be a bit curious about where it is in your body. 

What's inside you?

Who are you?

A person, a mother, a father, a son, a daughter, a sister, a brother, a gardener, a worker, a grandma, a grandad, a speaker, a writer, a provider, a helper, a homeowner.......................the list could go on and on. And if all this was taken away, what would be left? Underneath all these roles that you play, who are you really? Because the above list is not who you are......they are roles you carry out. We place so much importance on these roles that we forget what is inside. Our mind takes over and directs our life with reasons and doubts. Very effectively.
And then if the question about who we are arises, we try to figure it out with our mind. Doesn't work. If our mind could give a clear answer, then it already would have. But it hasn't. So we distract ourselves with thinking about our roles. 
And does this matter?? Not at all.
Life will go on anyway, just as it does.
You can decide to enjoy figuring out life with your mind, if you want to. Or you can not try to figure life out. You get to choose. 
But sometimes a yearning arises. Like a tender feeling from deep within. (I can feel it now, as i write this). A yearning to be true to the very deepest part of you. A yearning to live life from this deeper place of truth and love. A yearning to step outside of the conditioning that you have experienced in your younger years. The conditioning may be experienced as restrictions. It may be experienced as suffering.  If you listen to this yearning, it will guide you. Open to this tender yearning.