Mistakes.

I broke a bone in my ankle 45 years ago. Any relevance for today?

Physically, I have had issues with the hip and the knee on that side. Probably because back then, it was a case of plaster up to the knee for several weeks and no physio afterwards. Would this have affected how I walk, how I use that side of my body, where I put my weight in different positions?? Quite likely. And would these different patterns of walking and weight bearing have continued over the years meaning that some parts of the body are now being strained? Probably.

And, what about emotions and beliefs stored in the body? Well, I have faced some emotions stored in my hip and knee, and let these go.

Now it is time to revisit the memory.

This is what I remember. I had taken my flatmate to work on her motor scooter. I was returning when I went round a corner. I turned the accelerator handle bar the wrong way!! So I went faster, rather than slowing down. At that moment I froze, so I was unable to reverse the action. I sped round the corner and drove smack into a parked car on the other side of the road, which flipped me and the scooter onto our sides in the middle of the road.  Since then I have mightily blamed myself for the huge mistake that I made. Any time I have remembered it, I have felt so stupid and so bad. I made a stupid mistake. A mistake that should not have happened. It was more than a mistake…. I had actually done the complete opposite to what one should do. So not a little mistake.  In my mind it meant that I was worthless and totally stupid. Throughout my life this is how I have felt about any mistake. No matter how little.

Today I also realised that in the moment, I froze. So I was unable to correct. Which would have been simple to do. Doubly stupid. Why? Probably because as a child, I had developed this strategy. I made a mistake, I got told off, and then someone else fixed it. (because I was not clever enough to fix it) So I learned to freeze myself, to not feel, to not think, to just get through the next few moments. And then someone did it for me. This strategy had an effect on how I handled the scooter accident situation. And no one there to fix it for me. And really it need not have been like that, if I had had a different coping strategy in place.

Consider your own strategies. What do you do when you make a mistake? Do you wish you could wind the clock back and undo the mistake? Do you joke about it, in order to cover up your feelings? Consider your childhood and see what strategies you developed to cope with mistakes. Just know that whatever your way of dealing with mistakes, that these were strategies were put in place when you were young. You have more internal resources now, so take a look, and maybe change your strategies.

Acceptance.

There is that saying….something like you can’t change it so just accept it. How do you feel when someone says that to you? Not listened to? Not heard? Yep. Me too. (might be something in there about not worrying too)

Then from a spiritual point of view, there is the goal of accepting whatever circumstance we are in. But what does this really mean? That we allow people to tread all over us? That we put up with things as they are? That we don’t try to fix things? That we don’t think about changing things? That we don’t plan to walk a different path?

As humans we seem compelled to want more, or better, or healing or fixing or improving. We want more money. We want a better house. We want better health. We want to fix our body. We want to be more confident. We want to be someone better than we are. We want to develop spiritually.

The concept of acceptance seems to be opposite of these. And then there is the thing of judgement entering into this. If we have the perfect life, we will accept life as it is, won’t we? How do you judge what is perfect. You might say, everything in balance. (not being greedy, of course!) How do we get to balance? And maybe this is just a concept we like because it allows us to feel comfortable. Some of us really like to feel comfortable. No conflict, no annoying emotions please.

I suggest that acceptance is something to be considered in any moment. Do you accept that right now you are in pain? Do you accept that right now you do not have the abundance of money that you would like? Do you accept that right now you do not have the house that you want? Do you accept that right now you do not have the life that you want? Or you are not the person you want to be? In getting a sense of acceptance, there is a relaxing that happens. There is a letting go of the effort that has been taking place. The effort makes you tense. It can make pain worse. It can make you grumpy. It can make you unhappy.

Acceptance means that you accept in this moment. It does not mean that things won’t change. Somehow, in the relaxing, other options appear, that wouldn’t if you are tense. Somehow, acceptance opens the door to more.  Letting go of effort, supports you in living your life fully, because you are then open to possibilities that arise. You can be light with the circumstance, knowing that things change, with no effort from you. Amazing things can happen. More amazing than you believe you deserve.  Just stay relaxed. Just stay in this moment. Treasure yourself so that you don’t put up with circumstances, that you don’t allow others to tread all over you. Trust your amazing self to know what to do.