The unknown.
A new job, a new house, temporary living arrangements,
living on own after leaving a relationship, selling my house, buying a piece of
land…..……I’ve done all of those in the last 3 years. Stepping into the
unknown??
Sure these things were all new and unknown. Before that,
Christchurch earthquakes, leaving my husband of 42 years, leaving a job I had
been in for 25 years, shifting to another part of the country. Quite a series
of changes actually over the past few years. And they all triggered emotions
and awareness of patterns of behaviour.
It’s been an ongoing process of exploring the unknown and
how I am with it.
The other day, I felt like I was floating in a deep unknown
place. Freely in freedom. Perfectly safe. Totally supported. Totally knowing.
Rather nice.
So you might ask what was happening to get to this. Well, it
was nothing like the above mentioned happenings….nothing that the experts would
say is a major stressful experience. It was a simple old pattern of mine of
feeling scared of meeting new people. So, I was going to visit a Dad and his
child regarding possible teaching of the child. And I could have said, that’s
stupid to feel scared about that. I’ve done this lots of times. But scared I
did feel. It was bubbling for a couple of days before. But somewhere in the
couple of hours before I left home, I was aware that I was making a choice
(below mind level) that I would go on the visit, without going over what I
would say, without thinking of what I should say, without running possible
scenarios over in my head, without working it out beforehand. That I would be
open and present in the moment. That I would not know how the visit would go.
That I would just meet each moment as it arrived. ………….And, it unfolded
beautifully, with me being relaxed all the time. Time stopped in each moment. There was plenty
of time in each moment. Afterwards I felt like I was completely in an unknown
space and yet completely knowing. Amazing, eh! Very good actually.
The unknown can be scary. Because we like to know. We like
to have an idea of what is ahead. Some of us more than others. Knowing gives us
security and safety……well so we think. But does it also narrow down our
choices. Does it limit our freedom? Does it restrict us?
What would it be like for you to allow yourself to be in an
unknown place?
