The decision is made to "break the relationship". NO!! I don't like that word break.
The decision is made to separate. Ah, a bit better.
The decision is made to not live together. However, this cannot be instant because there is a property to sell. So...............................what is to be experienced in this limbo time??
Compassion
Uncertainty
Grief
Sadness
Hopelessness
Anger
Vulnerability
Frustration
Friendliness
Helpfulness
Letting go
Trusting
Releasing feelings. Checking in with my body barometer to see what my body is telling me!! TIRED, tired, tired, tired, so tired. And often times tiredness is a cover for resisting emotions. So what is here - oh, just more of the above
The decision is made to not live together. No concept of what the future might hold. Stepping into the unknown again.
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Having to be right.
It feels awful when someone corrects me. Or tell me what I need to do. Or lectures (expression of my interpretation and feeling??) me on the correct way to do something. Especially when it is someone close and they do it often when we are together.
Are you like that? Do you have to correct someone when they use a word that is not quite correct? Do you come out with a definite opinion is such a way that the other person feels that they cannot respond with a different opinion. Maybe you do it without even thinking about it?
According to the enneogram this person is probably a personality type that is disintegrating into mind stuff - just now anyway while they are feeling stressed.
Their world is not feeling safe and comfortable so they are expressing a need for things to be right as they know them. Every time someone else says something or does something that doesn't fit with what they perceive as correct, they just have to comment. It's a try at making things safe for themselves.
And yes, I am like that sometimes. I recognise this pattern from what has happened around me and also from what I have done. So I offer my apologies to anyone who has been affected by me being critical.
That's what I feel it is when I receive it - criticism.
Notice I say "I feel...." The person may not be intending to correct or criticise, but I have perceived it as such. It's my feeling. and my perception. I do take responsibility for how I feel and how I perceive.
I am aware that when I am stressed that I am more sensitive to implied cricitism and when I am feeling strong, then things like that just roll off me and don't affect me.
This year I have been doing lots of experiencing and learning about rightness, sameness and differences. I have been letting go of some of my perceptions of what is right and expanding my awareness. What a gift!
If you need help with this issue check out www.emotionaltherapy.co.nz and maybe we can get together.
Are you like that? Do you have to correct someone when they use a word that is not quite correct? Do you come out with a definite opinion is such a way that the other person feels that they cannot respond with a different opinion. Maybe you do it without even thinking about it?
According to the enneogram this person is probably a personality type that is disintegrating into mind stuff - just now anyway while they are feeling stressed.
Their world is not feeling safe and comfortable so they are expressing a need for things to be right as they know them. Every time someone else says something or does something that doesn't fit with what they perceive as correct, they just have to comment. It's a try at making things safe for themselves.
And yes, I am like that sometimes. I recognise this pattern from what has happened around me and also from what I have done. So I offer my apologies to anyone who has been affected by me being critical.
That's what I feel it is when I receive it - criticism.
Notice I say "I feel...." The person may not be intending to correct or criticise, but I have perceived it as such. It's my feeling. and my perception. I do take responsibility for how I feel and how I perceive.
I am aware that when I am stressed that I am more sensitive to implied cricitism and when I am feeling strong, then things like that just roll off me and don't affect me.
This year I have been doing lots of experiencing and learning about rightness, sameness and differences. I have been letting go of some of my perceptions of what is right and expanding my awareness. What a gift!
If you need help with this issue check out www.emotionaltherapy.co.nz and maybe we can get together.
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Time
Time is a funny thing!!.
Sometimes it goes fast and sometimes it goes slow.
And this all depends on our perception of it, doesn't it? You know the story. When you are doing something fun, then it whizzes by and when you are doing something dreary, then it goes slow. When you are at the dentist time drags and yet when you are out of there, looking back, it seems like it went fast. It's over - yay!
When you meditate what does time do?
I remember sitting in the Sanctuary at Mana Retreat Centre, Cromandel, staying still in the immense stillness. The time would slow. Each minute felt like an hour with nothing in it. No busyness, no problems to solve, no conversations, no stories. Not that I looked at a watch every minute, but there is a bell tower there that rings on the quarter hour and it was a very long time until the next chiming.
And I realised that the perception of time is just that - a perception - it's not real. Yet we set ourselves to be confined by time. We urge ourselves to do more, to get more done. Is that part of conditioning from young? That we think we need to fill this moment with doing or thinking in order to...........achieve something??
"Take your time. There is plenty of time"
I realised this when in India at the sacred mountain Mt Arunachala. Our group realised this. When I meditate, this is realised again. There is plenty of time.
Time is what we make of it. Time is what we think it is.
Change how you think of time. To allow more possibilities. Let your mind relax. Let the future unfold. Trust yourself - whatever you need to do, will get done. Take your time.
Sometimes it goes fast and sometimes it goes slow.
And this all depends on our perception of it, doesn't it? You know the story. When you are doing something fun, then it whizzes by and when you are doing something dreary, then it goes slow. When you are at the dentist time drags and yet when you are out of there, looking back, it seems like it went fast. It's over - yay!
When you meditate what does time do?
I remember sitting in the Sanctuary at Mana Retreat Centre, Cromandel, staying still in the immense stillness. The time would slow. Each minute felt like an hour with nothing in it. No busyness, no problems to solve, no conversations, no stories. Not that I looked at a watch every minute, but there is a bell tower there that rings on the quarter hour and it was a very long time until the next chiming.
And I realised that the perception of time is just that - a perception - it's not real. Yet we set ourselves to be confined by time. We urge ourselves to do more, to get more done. Is that part of conditioning from young? That we think we need to fill this moment with doing or thinking in order to...........achieve something??
"Take your time. There is plenty of time"
I realised this when in India at the sacred mountain Mt Arunachala. Our group realised this. When I meditate, this is realised again. There is plenty of time.
Time is what we make of it. Time is what we think it is.
Change how you think of time. To allow more possibilities. Let your mind relax. Let the future unfold. Trust yourself - whatever you need to do, will get done. Take your time.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Are you journeying to the light?
Are you on a journey to the light?
How much of a role does your mind play?
Or is it a matter of working around your mind? Or seeing through your mind? Or stopping your mind from thinking? So that you can trust your inner self.
It is amazing to see the power of the mind at work. No matter what your ego type (Enneagram) and particularly some ego types - the mind can be dominant - thinking in logic or academia or science.
The mind can seem so truthful and we believe what it thinks. Then later, we see a situation differently and realise that the mind did not have the truth afterall. The mind can be narrow in the way it perceives things.
It's great when I let go of trying to figure things out and just be light. Sometimes the answers come later and sometimes not at all. Sometimes a knowing is here, without answers. A lightness.
It's great when I let go of wishing other people to feel comfortable with me and just be light.
It's great when I welcome difference and be light.
It's great when fun and laughter are present. A lightness.
It's great when I just speak and let go of what the receiver might think or judge about my comments. And be light with me and life.
It's great when I am me in the light.
How much of a role does your mind play?
Or is it a matter of working around your mind? Or seeing through your mind? Or stopping your mind from thinking? So that you can trust your inner self.
It is amazing to see the power of the mind at work. No matter what your ego type (Enneagram) and particularly some ego types - the mind can be dominant - thinking in logic or academia or science.
The mind can seem so truthful and we believe what it thinks. Then later, we see a situation differently and realise that the mind did not have the truth afterall. The mind can be narrow in the way it perceives things.
It's great when I let go of trying to figure things out and just be light. Sometimes the answers come later and sometimes not at all. Sometimes a knowing is here, without answers. A lightness.
It's great when I let go of wishing other people to feel comfortable with me and just be light.
It's great when I welcome difference and be light.
It's great when fun and laughter are present. A lightness.
It's great when I just speak and let go of what the receiver might think or judge about my comments. And be light with me and life.
It's great when I am me in the light.
Friday, September 18, 2015
A Seed Sprouting - aka courage.
A seed is tightly contained and held in by its shell. It's strong and durable. Some seeds last for a long time. Gorse seeds can survive for 50 years and still grow.
What changes when the seed germinates and sprouts??
Well, the science minded people would say a root grows down and a sprout grows up. And then it becomes a plant.
The analogy minded people would say that the sprout displays courage and determination in it's fight to the light and to moisture.
Spiritual people might say that the seed has stepped from the safe place out into the unknown. That the seed has previously stayed contained, safe and within a shell. Then something triggered the seed to grow and begin the journey to the light. It's a journey of possibilities and dangers, depending on your perception. The sprout has to push its way through soil and maybe stones/twigs/leaves/grass. It has to survive birds or animals eating it. It has to experience heavy rain, bright sunshine, heat and shade. And many other natural occurrences.
So, does the seed display courage? I suggest that the seed is following the natural triggers for growth. Some sprouts survive and some don't.
And a human stepping out of their shell and into the unknown of not knowing the detail of the future and the potential endless possibilities. Is courage felt? It seems to me that we often say that someone else displays courage but it is not recognised in ourselves.
I took that step out of my shell into the wide potential. I didn't feel courageous. I felt compelled to take the step. I felt a myriad of feelings arising, triggered by so many changes, adjustments and adaptations. I stepped from a safe place of predictability and containment, into many new experiences.
A journey to the light.
A journey in the light of my own being. Expanding and opening to the abundance of life.
What changes when the seed germinates and sprouts??
Well, the science minded people would say a root grows down and a sprout grows up. And then it becomes a plant.
The analogy minded people would say that the sprout displays courage and determination in it's fight to the light and to moisture.
Spiritual people might say that the seed has stepped from the safe place out into the unknown. That the seed has previously stayed contained, safe and within a shell. Then something triggered the seed to grow and begin the journey to the light. It's a journey of possibilities and dangers, depending on your perception. The sprout has to push its way through soil and maybe stones/twigs/leaves/grass. It has to survive birds or animals eating it. It has to experience heavy rain, bright sunshine, heat and shade. And many other natural occurrences.
So, does the seed display courage? I suggest that the seed is following the natural triggers for growth. Some sprouts survive and some don't.
And a human stepping out of their shell and into the unknown of not knowing the detail of the future and the potential endless possibilities. Is courage felt? It seems to me that we often say that someone else displays courage but it is not recognised in ourselves.
I took that step out of my shell into the wide potential. I didn't feel courageous. I felt compelled to take the step. I felt a myriad of feelings arising, triggered by so many changes, adjustments and adaptations. I stepped from a safe place of predictability and containment, into many new experiences.
A journey to the light.
A journey in the light of my own being. Expanding and opening to the abundance of life.
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Expectations.
It's painful. .
It's awkward.
It's jolly stupid.
It's soul destroying.
Can you guess what it is?
It's realising that I have had expectations and dreams that are not happening.
What's even worse is that I was not even consciously aware of having definite expectations. How stupid is that? I thought that I was focusing on each little step of life and the synchronicity that was aligning my purpose. And that it was heading in a perfect direction - however that was and whatever it was. (Really?) A direction of spirituality and working with someone else who was of the same understanding of the path.
Really, that is what I thought. Every little synchronicity pointed in the same direction. (So I thought)
Now I realise that I was making assumptions and unconsciously thinking I knew what was what. Or is this too, a thought process that is not revealing the truth. Afterall thoughts can go in all directions and are not necessarily helpful.
So now, what do I do?
Well, my advice to myself is:
Relax and trust
Allow the feelings to be felt.
Be open to more synchronicity.
Have an intention to be the limitless potential that I am
Stay in the moment
Be still inside.
Be light with the world.
Stay open - magic may happen.
It's awkward.
It's jolly stupid.
It's soul destroying.
Can you guess what it is?
It's realising that I have had expectations and dreams that are not happening.
What's even worse is that I was not even consciously aware of having definite expectations. How stupid is that? I thought that I was focusing on each little step of life and the synchronicity that was aligning my purpose. And that it was heading in a perfect direction - however that was and whatever it was. (Really?) A direction of spirituality and working with someone else who was of the same understanding of the path.
Really, that is what I thought. Every little synchronicity pointed in the same direction. (So I thought)
Now I realise that I was making assumptions and unconsciously thinking I knew what was what. Or is this too, a thought process that is not revealing the truth. Afterall thoughts can go in all directions and are not necessarily helpful.
So now, what do I do?
Well, my advice to myself is:
Relax and trust
Allow the feelings to be felt.
Be open to more synchronicity.
Have an intention to be the limitless potential that I am
Stay in the moment
Be still inside.
Be light with the world.
Stay open - magic may happen.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Words
I have a thing about words. I really would like people around me to use the words that express what they really mean. Such a high expectation!!
Words are funny things. The exact same word can mean different things to different people. Especially when people have different backgrounds, conditioning and up bringing. And that's without even considering the tone of the voice and the body language, both of which are a high percentage of the communication. And also included is that whole level of communication involved in connection - unspoken and unseen.
It all feels complicated to me. I spend way too much time trying to figure out what is going on for others and for me. Much easier to just leave it. Well, it's hard to keep track of the conversation and gain clarity.
And then the words that come out of my mouth - are they the truth? What meaning does someone else take from them? How do I explain myself? Are the words spoken in that moment the truth for always then? Must they be forever. Can I accept that I might express something now and then express it differently another time? And if I do, what does that mean about me? That I don't know what I think and believe? Will they take another meaning than I intended? Will I be judged?
Many questions. Too much thinking!
So if I can be non-attached - that is, observing myself in these types of situations - I see that I have some emotions connected with these situations. And judgements of myself and others. The task is to allow myself time to really feel and let go.
And even now, am I making sense to anyone??????????????? Or even to me??
Maybe this is why I can work with non-verbal children. Maybe this is why I enjoy working in the garden.
And such joy yesterday, playing with my young grandson - being totally present in the moment. Shared joy when shaking leaves, poking a finger into a hole in tree bark, poking a droplet of gum, lying on the grass, listening to birds, pointing to planes in the sky. No expectations, no judging, no reasoning - just joy and love.
P.S. And to be honest, I would like people to agree with me. Differences of opinions bring up feelings of .............. And this is a topic for another blog.
Words are funny things. The exact same word can mean different things to different people. Especially when people have different backgrounds, conditioning and up bringing. And that's without even considering the tone of the voice and the body language, both of which are a high percentage of the communication. And also included is that whole level of communication involved in connection - unspoken and unseen.
It all feels complicated to me. I spend way too much time trying to figure out what is going on for others and for me. Much easier to just leave it. Well, it's hard to keep track of the conversation and gain clarity.
And then the words that come out of my mouth - are they the truth? What meaning does someone else take from them? How do I explain myself? Are the words spoken in that moment the truth for always then? Must they be forever. Can I accept that I might express something now and then express it differently another time? And if I do, what does that mean about me? That I don't know what I think and believe? Will they take another meaning than I intended? Will I be judged?
Many questions. Too much thinking!
So if I can be non-attached - that is, observing myself in these types of situations - I see that I have some emotions connected with these situations. And judgements of myself and others. The task is to allow myself time to really feel and let go.
And even now, am I making sense to anyone??????????????? Or even to me??
Maybe this is why I can work with non-verbal children. Maybe this is why I enjoy working in the garden.
And such joy yesterday, playing with my young grandson - being totally present in the moment. Shared joy when shaking leaves, poking a finger into a hole in tree bark, poking a droplet of gum, lying on the grass, listening to birds, pointing to planes in the sky. No expectations, no judging, no reasoning - just joy and love.
P.S. And to be honest, I would like people to agree with me. Differences of opinions bring up feelings of .............. And this is a topic for another blog.
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