Avoiding Emotions Sequel.

I suspect that the list of strategies for avoiding emotions is endless, so thought a sequel was needed. How come we are so good at the strategies? Are emotions really that awful?

Some people talk about it so much that it drives the emotion away.

Some people have lots of tears and wipe the emotion away with tissues.

Some people cry and then other people wipe away the emotion with comfort and pats.

Some people yell at the dog or the kids.

Some people walk away.

Some people read novels and get involved in someone else's story.

Some people produce a cover, such as hope or calmness. Hope is usually thought of a virtuous thing. But isn't it obvious that if you have a hope about the future, then you aren't focusing in the present? Hope is about wanting something to be better. So what's happening right now that you want to avoid? Do something in this moment ......feel.....speak up......stop and be still........
And calmness can be a conscious effort to not feel.

ME?? I guess I use or have used most of these strategies.

I have had a couple of periods of a few years in my life when I read lots of light novels. Enjoyable stories. Used up the time in a pleasant way and I avoided emotions.

A cover of calmness has certainly been a prominent strategy - smile and people will think I am okay. These days any calmness I have is a more genuine calmness, a deeper calmness.

Keep busy - yep, a common strategy of mine.

Hoping or wishing life was different - this too.

Actually, I think that I have been an expert at avoiding emotions.

Want to challenge my expert status?? How many strategies have you used?

And these days, my strategies just don't work as effectively. So guess what - I get to feel emotions. Some pleasant and some painful. Some wonderful. Some uncomfortable. I get to embrace them and allow them to dissolve.

Avoiding Emotions

What is your favourite strategy for avoiding emotions? Do you have a strategy? Of course you do. We all do.
Some people walk away.
Some people get physically active.
Some people tell others complaining stories.
Some people blame.
Some people go quiet.
Some people pretend to have no emotions.
What do you do?
Are you aware of what you do? Really?
Maybe you are a person who yells, screams, kicks, slam doors, runs. Then do you feel that you have felt the emotions? And then it's scary to feel emotions because you might do it again and be out of control. In our society it is judged as not good if we project emotions in this way. The dilemma is that we don't know that that behaviour is actually a strategy for avoiding emotions. We are not taught to just feel emotions. We believe that projecting and acting out is feeling. And following on from this, the belief is created that emotions are not good and need to be avoided,
We can choose not to indulge in these strategies - just stop - be aware of the feeling in the body - no story of blame or why the feeling is there -just the raw emotion. This is feeling emotion. And it is very freeing, because it then dissolves. And the story loses it's significance. Wahoo!

And can I do this?? Can you?

Since the major changes in my life I have felt more emotions than ever before. I have even been emotional!! Instead of living life along a calm middle line, I have experienced all sorts of emotions. I suspect (but don't know) that because I have piles of emotions that have been suppressed over many years they are being let out to be felt, triggered by simple little things. Impatience when the hose fitting doesn't work, frustration with the computer, anger when I can't find something, etc.
Or are these just safe situations to feel emotions?? Oh dear - the  mind can rationalize and analyse for ever.
Anyway to answer the question. Yes, I can stop and feel the raw emotion  - sometimes. Other times, the feeling hangs around for a while. maybe until something distracts me from it - oh, well - it will resurface another time. The gift of life will provide an opportunity for emotions to be felt, allowed and released.

Manifesting

Is manifesting something you want, as simple as wanting it? Is it about the detail of the wanting? Visualising? Feeling it? Experiencing it in an all round way? Trusting it will happen? Knowing it will happen? Making up a ritual about it? How does one do it?

I am living in a lovely house - We moved here 7 months ago. And there are features of this house that I have wanted for a very long time.

Since I was a young child I have wanted to live in a 2 storey house. This house has 2 bedrooms, a bathroom/toilet and a Journey room upstairs. How did that happen? What was the nature of the wanting that made it happen? Or was it just a fluke?

For a very long time I have wanted a house with a proper entrance way. You know, like a foyer, where people come in, and it welcomes them, before they move into a passage or a room. This house has a lovely entrance room. Come in, and then move upstairs, or into the lounge, or through a passage to other parts of the house. How did it happen that I now have this?

Another feature that I have wanted for a long time, is to have interesting shaped rooms rather than just square or oblong. This lounge, for example, has different levels of ceiling, and different shapes to the walls, even a built in dresser in a triangle part. I am typing this at our office desk which is part of the  lounge but in a corner off from it. How did I manage to get to live in such a house?

When I think about how I have wanted these features, I am unclear about how the wanting was. It just appears to have been a feeling of deliciousness when sensing those features. I don't remember actually thinking or trusting or knowing that I would get these things. Even when we first looked at this house, I didn't immediately think that I would be getting what I wanted.  

So did I want without wanting? Work that one out. Somehow it seems that I did.

Did I appreciate what I had before? Yes, I did. I enjoyed all the  houses I have lived in. I was grateful for the features that they had.

Did I yearn for the features that this place has? No, I didn't. They were just there, somehow.

So how have you manifested? How was it for you?

Infinite Potential

Last weekend I went to a seminar. Actually I can't call it a seminar, because it was nothing like a typical seminar. The title was Manifest Abundance. Remember my blog a couple ago and my list of wants? Oh, maybe I could apply strategies and get all my wants? Unfortunately it was not about applying strategies. It was not about organising thoughts and being specific about wants. So what was it about??
Well, it was about recognising that life is abundant regardless of what we do. It is knowing inside that me, I am infinite potential. That I came into this world as full potential and that the limits were placed on me by my emotions and beliefs about myself and about abundance.

Limiting beliefs about abundance were formed when I was young:
"Money doesn't grow on trees","Money is limited"
"One has to plan carefully for the future"
"One has to put money aside and keep it there"
"Don't spend that today, you might need it tomorrow"
"Being frugal is a virtue"
"You are a better person if you don't spend money on yourself"
" Only buy what you need, not what you want"
And many others, that in this moment, I can't remember.
And I recognise that it's the way my parents were, because of the times and because of how their parent's were. And I acknowledge that the man I married had the same or similar beliefs, which then reinforced my beliefs and carried them on.

But do I need those beliefs now?

You know, my intention for the weekend was not actually about money but somehow those beliefs showed up. My intention for the weekend was to allow my truth and the real me to shine strongly in each moment.

So how did the weekend affect me? Sometimes the effects are subtle and hard to find with our minds.
If I stop and just feel inside me, right now, then this is what comes up for me to say.
I have a stronger belief in me, in the real me - the me that is sometimes or often covered by conditioning and learned beliefs. I feel stronger and stiller and more relaxed and more energetic. My senses have been sharpened. What I see in the view or in people is somehow deeper. I have let go of something. I feel freer and more appreciative of what others have to offer.

I am more me.

And it feels like the world is very expansive, that the unexpected can turn up, that there is so much abundance around me.

I am grateful.

Gratitude for a dog's love.

Until a few months ago, I had had nothing to do with dogs, Other than feel scared of them at times. Other than not liking them sniffing at my private parts, Other than finding the barking and yapping annoying. And the smell.
So what happened when I began living with a dog? A large dog? A "menacing" dog? (Council classification)
It was actually an easy process, helped by the explanations of Paul, my partner. Step by step, I got to know Zac, a Rhodesian Ridgeback who is a beautiful colour and has this beautiful ridge of fur down his back. He's nine years old. He didn't jump up at me and he didn't bark at me.
Now, he follows me around, keeping an eye on me, sitting so close he touches my leg when people come. How protective would he be, I wonder?
He joins me when I go to feed the chooks, and explores up the hill behind while I am busy there and races down when I return from them. And races on ahead coming to a sudden stop when he realises he is way ahead of me. Unless he is keen to get inside to the fire or his breakfast, in which case he carries on at speed.
He walks with me up the steep hill on our property, stopping when I do, detouring, exploring and rejoining me.
He likes to come with me to the orchard and sits, looking expectantly at me, wanting me to throw him a bite of an apple, pear, plum or peach.
He lies in the sun while I garden and if I sit for a rest, he immediately gets up, comes over and gives me a lick before sitting down close enough for me to pat him, or lean on him.
He lies beside me if I am working on the computer and occasionally gets up and come and pushes his face under my arm.
He has a sweet tooth, just like Paul - he likes a piece of toast with honey, or a biscuit, or cake, and loves to lick clean the empty yoghurt container.
He has expanded my understanding of life and I am very grateful for this and for having him a part of my life. A friend indeed. Unconditional love.

Regarding Wanting

My friend Deborah Manchee put a comment on the  facebook page under my last blog post about wanting. She said "Wanting might just be another way to keep mind busy and stay out of the now. If you could not want and distract .... What is here?"

So I decided to sit with this and see what came up.
Here's what happened:
After sitting for a minute and asking myself "If I could not want and distract, what is here?", the answer was a feeling of uncertainty.
As I acknowledged the uncertainty, I was aware that my mind was going to the wants in an effort to delete the uncertainty feeling. My mind was actively thinking to get away from the feeling.
So, I stopped, and asked myself what was under or in the uncertainty.
A mess of emotions.
And in allowing myself to drop into the mess, what did I find? It was something about not knowing, not getting it right,  not being good enough.
And under that was anger.
And under that was stupidity.
And then hopelessness.
As I allowed the hopelessness feeling to expand, a sense of peace and acceptance arose.
Then this spread into a boundless love that was everywhere.
And in the essence of the love was stillness.
I sat in stillness. I stayed still in the stillness. There was no wanting here.

Wanting.

Lately I have become aware of lots of wanting. It seems ridiculous because I have had major wonderful life changes going on over the last year and lots of excitement. Doesn’t wanting mean dissatisfaction and not being grateful??  What right have I got to want?

You know about wanting something, I’m sure. There is that rumbling going on, that hint of something not quite how we think it should be. We think……if only, then……..  If only I had more money, then I could relax. If only I could speak up naturally and truthfully, then I would like myself.

And then I think of reasons. I want……..because ……….. It’s like a justification for the want. Making the want logical and reasonable.

I'll tell you some of them. I’ll be honest. It’s a long list. How awful is that?

And you know:   to have no wants is bliss. Really. To have no wants means total gratitude and living in joy in each moment. WOW.

And the other thing about wanting is that it sets up a barrier to getting it anyway. Wanting creates more wanting creates staying in wanting mode. Ugh!!

My list of wants:

• more money
• to be fitter
• a pair of ankle boots
• no aches and pains
• to be able to speak naturally, clearly and with compassion
• to dance in a group (chakradance sounds amazing)
• to sing
• to have more people come to see me for Journeywork
• to be able to support my daughter better
• to have a closer relationship with my children and their partners
• an increase in pay for the work I do
• to feel better about my job
• flowers
• to not mind the cold when I get out of bed in the mornings
• easy decision making
• travel
• to be totally and truthfully myself

Actually, I think I will stop here. Maybe I'll just put it out there - into the universal field of energy.

What are your main wants? I'd love to hear.